I have thought about it multiple times. During my quiet times, when I’m with friends, during an exciting conversation, out of nowhere it just pops up as a question,
“Am I happy?”
Truth be told, I always ask myself that. I know I have my days and I have gathered experience appropriate to my age, so it just makes me question it all the more. Am I happy? This brings me to the question, what is happiness?
You know, when I saw the Ladies of Hive prompt questions, I knew this would require me digging deep. I meditated on this question from yesterday asking myself if I was happier in the past or if I was happier now. Then I asked myself, what is happiness? Are they moments or are they the whole makeup? Can fragments in time be the reason we look forward to eternity?
Honestly I don’t know. I used to think I was happier in the past when I didn’t know anything. When I was dumber and had the perfect excuse. Now, when I look at all I have accomplished, given my background, I wonder if I was just fooling myself because the times were hard. They still are.
Maybe I wanted to delude myself into thinking that I was happier when I had nothing to worry about. When I was just at a static state of mind. When the world revolved around me. Maybe I wanted to believe that because it was hard, difficult, and almost impossible to accept that my future, my destiny, rested on my shoulders. As always, like a human, I wanted a dummy so I wouldn’t have to take the fall.
But see, I have thought hard about this and I came to the conclusion that Happiness comes with the hardship. I’m sure you’ve heard the song “Let Her Go” by Passenger. His words held the truth which is you only begin to miss something when you lose it. Why do we have the day and the night? The storm and the calm? Why do we have water and fire? Why are there opposites?
It’s because we need the balance and they must co-exist for us to really appreciate life. Happiness is not a constant state of existence. It is moments. Fragments in time that completely eradicate the memories of the cost we had to pay for them. The laughter that comes after the tears of a mother who was in labour pain. The sweet victory that comes after rigorous and intense training for that athlete. The sense of accomplishment when you hold that degree after burning so many candles at midnight.
Human beings were born to chase. We were created with a purpose and I realised that happiness comes with the ability to accept that life won’t always go your way. So, was I happier in the past than I am now? The only thing I can say is I am happier now and will be happier tomorrow.
In conclusion, I believe that happiness is what you make it. I also believe that happiness doesn’t last forever but it can be created as many times as we want it. Happiness will come to you if you just let it. After all, we are humans and we thrive on emotions.
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