Time is finite, but excuses are not. You are not bad at managing time; you just don't know how to wiggle out of that accusation. Enough with lame excuses like my bus didn't come on time or my wife stole my wallet; it is time to get serious about procrastinating. It is time to assume the persona of your favourite childhood villain (Mine is Mojojo from the PowerPuff Girls) and rule this town. Cue evil laughter.
Develop the art of lying: Be so confident and in sync with your lie that even a lie detector sputters and stops working.Running late to an appointment? Make up a heart-wrenching lie about your non-existent cat having measles.
Dry Everything: By the combined wonder of capitalism and science, we bring to you stuff for lazy time-efficient folks.
Oily, Snapey-potion-master hair with no time for a hair wash—dry shampoo!
No time for a bath because you threw away your phone after the first alarm? Deodorant industrial grade, the kind that can make people in an elevator with you feel lightheaded
Is there no time for makeup? No primer, no foundation—wear a mask! Tell people you are experiencing COVID-like symptoms.
Short cut it out: There is a short cut to everything (except success; I am not sure, but that is what I am told). If you are okay with mind-numbing mediocrity, despite processing above-average intelligence, there are always short cuts to save time.
Don't like writing emails? Chat gpt
Don't like going on dates? An arranged marriage is made for you.
Skill it :There are some skills that might not get you a job but might get you out of doing one.
What if you like napping but have a soul-sucking job that requires you to stare at the screen? Learn to sleep with your eyes wide open.
What if you like staring out of your window but don't have the time? Learn how to act as if you are in deep thought about something at work. In case someone asks what you're thinking about, learn some really difficult English words to sound profound and throw in some of your industry lingo.
For example, "I was just contemplating the labyrinthine model of the new ERP system and whether individuals with limited mental acuity can grasp the case for transformation elucidated by us.
Which roughly translates to, "I was zoning out while thinking if the idiots we work for will understand the new system."
Prioritise perfectly: Do you want food or more sleep? Do you want time or money? Once you prioritise time, you automatically manage it.
Don't have time to go to the gym? Starve yourself for 16 hours and call it intermittent fasting.
Don't like standing in queues? Give everyone in front of you some money to jump the line.
Some bonus tips:
Set your mobile clock back 20 minutes and insist that you were on time.
Automate everything—birthday messages, bill payments—and I am sleeping auto-messages to any party invites.
Don't think about it; just do it! Saves time
Don't have kids. These small beings are the biggest and most adorable time suckers.
Exercise while in a meeting—it keeps you fit and prevents you from falling asleep.
Last but definitely the most effective: - Ctrl C+ Ctrl V
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