I have always been drowned in my thoughts, it feels comforting this way. It is quite a complex thing to do, trying to use words to describe feelings and emotions, suppressed thoughts and unhinged anguish, probably it is just me others might find it a lot easier to do but I try regardless. The thoughts I share now aren't a regular one, just thoughts that never seem to matter but yet of significance. We humans live our life in search of meaning, like hunting for purpose. It is what gives our existence a bit of a meaning but what seems to be the most tragic is, not the meaning we hunt for gives us the satisfaction that we have lived but the little moments that barely last for a moment. What do we call it, something that feels like just taking a glimpse at the stars and gradually a beautiful smile starts to form.
Something magical that makes a grown up man lay down his worries, his burden just to have a taste of it, something that feels like a reward of all his efforts. When you think of it, it is something that we all yearn for, a fragile phenomenon that differentiates between nightmares and dreams. So incomparable that it transcends beyond the world of the living, ever wondered why people are so hopefully of unseen things that might unfold in the afterlife, they have never been there, I mean no one has. All we here of are theories but we hold unto it regardless just to ensure we have more than a glimpse of it, to make it last longer than it should. Isn't it powerful, enough to conjure people to have hope and desire what might never be.
I wouldn't lie, I crave for it too but before I differ any further, I heard it is called "good times" quite magnificent for words less than 3 syllables to have so much meaning. The meaning of this isn't what my thought is about but something different, like I said a suppressed thought. I'm about to describe a feeling I only understand by how it feels but hoping I find the right words. How do I describe it? Is definitely the first question that crossed my mind, it would have been a lot easier if feeling can be recorded and seen, then words wouldn't be needed, wouldn't that make emotions easier to express but since that isn't an option here we go.
Good times are meant to be enjoyed, it is something long awaited. It is something that makes all our sadness worth it, like a reward for a job well done. The whole beauty of enjoying a good time is the feeling you get from it, it makes you feel good, it makes you smile. I guess to an extent it can be said good times can be defined by how good we feel about it, that is why an event can make someone experience a good time and the other having a bad time simultaneously, it feels kind of fickle. When we take the feeling out of a good time it has no meaning or significance, like its essence has been sabotaged.
Here is where my suppressed thoughts comes in, probably posing it as a question would make it a lot easier to explain. Have you ever denied yourself the happiness of a good time just because you feel something bad might happen after? Like refusing to be happy despite experiencing an happy moments just because you feel happy moments are only meant to last for a while, it is not constant or consistent. So instead of enjoying the moment you chose to freeze and let it pass without feeling a thing. It suddenly feels like you are terrified of good times making you feel good because when the bad times comes, it sweeps away all the feeling like the good time was never here.
How terrific would it be to be expectant of bad times, like preparing for it always. It does sound like being cautious but on second thought I realised the essence of good times isn't how it makes us feel at the moment, the true value lies in the memories it leaves behind. It is what we hold unto when bad times comes knocking like it always does. I mean what is life without a bit of misfortune but during those tough and hard times suddenly we find ourselves smiling for no reason in particular, it is because we remember the memories that was left behind by the good times we ones had.
Cover image - 𝖣𝖾𝗌𝗂𝗀𝗇𝖾𝖽 𝗎𝗌𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖼𝖺𝗇𝗏𝖺
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