They all said that it's good to have someone to fall back on. They all said it's good to trust a friend and that they are means to always be there. But what happens when they suddenly turn their back on me?
I listened. I worked hard on myself, I struggled to make sure I forget the past and really trusted and relied on someone again.
But, here I am shattered once more time and drinking from the cup of betrayal once again. The taste of it is so ugly and bitter as it burns down my throat and my eyes fill with tears as I visualize the yellow colour of betrayal stirring right in front of me.
Why, does this always happen to me? I find myself asking. Well, it was a question to me so obviously no one answered. But maybe I could ask you all if someone might have the answers to my questions. Why do they always have to leave? This minute you are my friend and we laugh and talk about every single possible topic and next, you are my enemy and the thought of you opens up the tap of my tears and they flow uncontrollably. Why can't I find a friend who would truly stay and stand by me? Why do they always have to leave after comfortably taking a spot in my heart? Why do they always walk out leaving that spot empty?
An image by Kingsley-osei Abrah from unsplash
And here come the questions that I'm not even sure are healthy but I still find myself asking. What is wrong with me? Why can't I keep a friend? What do I always do that makes them leave? How do I need to live for them not to leave?
But on the other hand, even if you'd like to leave. Must you be so cruel with it? Must you wash my dirty linings out there while leaving? I understand you have any need of me anymore and want to throw me out but, must you betray me first? It wouldn't have hurt you to let my dignity be but, you chose to turn our beautiful and happy moments and memories we had while having fun into bitter memories by laying me bare for everyone to trample on.
As I walked down that hall and I heard people silently whispering things that were meant to remain between us, I couldn't help myself, instead I cried my balls out. There you are sitting, laughing and still selling me off and here I am covered in shame regretting why I ever believed them that I needed a friend.
Well, I guess when you choose to make someone your friend, you should be ready for everything that comes with it including possible betrayal. And at this point, I don't even know if the fault Is mine or yours, all I know is that you left, and you did it in the most hurtful way possible. I promise not to revenge, even though the temptation to spill your secrets is strong, I promise not to do that because I hate dramas