The Ink Well Prompt #102 - Plus Weekly Challenge and Prize Announcement: friends indeed

in #hive-1707982 years ago

Warmest greetings

I welcome you all to my blog, and being my first post on this wonderful platform, I hope you see the need to comment so as to encourage me to be consistent.

First, let me start by appreciating @gi-de-on for putting me on, because without him I wouldn't have known this platform. He is indeed like a brother to me; please help me thank him. Also, I want to thank @merit.ahama because since I created my account, I have discovered that she is consistent, and I wish to be like her.

And lastly, I appreciate the Inkwell community for accepting me, and the topic for the week is sympathy.

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Source

Johnson, a young man growing up, wrote his SSCE, and he wrote Jamb. Luckily, he got his cutoff mark and was offered admission into the University of Makurdi to study electrical engineering. That was how he managed to go to school. He was a very hardworking man who doesn't depend on his parents, but with time, his parents saw the need of assisting him and gave him the little support they could afford. That was how Johnson managed to finish his ND II and pursue his HND. But along the line, the student fellowship that he attended during school held elections, and Johnson was elected as the assistant president of the church. He was shocked and he he was shocked and he he was shocked and he was he was he was he was a hard He went for Christmas break; school was on vacation, so he went back to the village; his health wasn't good, but it wasn't noticed by anyone.

Malaria was in his body but was not noticed by anyone, and the next day Johnson ran to his friends and knocked on their door at 6 a.m. When they opened the door, they discovered that John was naked, and when they tried covering his nakedness, that was when they discovered that he was talking like someone who was mad. They ran up and down, seeking help on what to do, but there was no way they could do it without calling Johnson's parents and explaining what was going on. The parents of John had to tell Johnson's friends to rush him to the hospital.

Johnson was vomiting foam from his mouth, which made his friends cry so much for him that the neighborhood came out and people were busy running here, and that was how his friends got a bike and took him to the hospital. Reaching the hospital, he was so busy talking alone that he started kissing the wall. His friends burst into tears and cried for him. To them, they thought he had gone mad. So when the doctor started treatment, that was how Johnson got himself back, and he was strong again. His friends were happy to see him normal.

Thank God for his friend, who had sympathy for Johnson and took him to the hospital; if not, something else would have happened.

Thanks for visiting my blog.
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Welcome to the Inkwell, and welcome to Hive, @famouskey. This is the beginning of an adventure for you that we hope will be rewarding.

You are off to a good start. This story has great strengths and a few weaknesses. We point out the weaknesses to help you develop your writing skills. We emphasize the strengths because they are the best part of writing.

In this story you convey the sense of panic and distress well. Your scene descriptions are excellent. There is an informal rule in writing: show, don't tell. Here you show us Johnson's irrational behavior by describing his actions. You also give us a good character description. This is a sober, hard-working individual. Irrational behavior is not usual for him.

The arc of the story is also good. You build to a crisis and then you bring the crisis to a resolution.

As for the few weaknesses:
Your story would benefit from careful editing. In one paragraph, for example, you repeat a phrase:

He was shocked and he he was shocked and he he was shocked and he was he was he was he was a hard He went for Christmas break; school was on vacation, so he went back to the village; his health wasn't good, but it wasn't noticed by anyone.

Also, in the beginning of the story your refer to culturally specific terms, such as SSCE and ND II with which most readers outside of your country might not be familiar. It is best to leave such terms out unless you define them. But then, defining them might slow down the pace of your story. As a writer you would have to decide how to handle that.

Thank you for sharing this story with the Inkwell community. Please acquaint yourself with our community rules. You might like to consult our Catalogue of Fiction Writing Tips. Also our position on violence. Your first story shows that you have a feeling for writing. We hope to read more from you in the future (please remember to comment on the stories of other authors in the community). Have fun!

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