Dad and grandmother of my son
Happy long weekend of traditions and rest. Empathy and love for others will be enough to understand each other. As an experience this weekend, we found @galenkp Topics in Weekend Experiences
I leave you its original link
Of the interesting topics presented, I have decided to participate with this one in particular.
If you only had one thing on your mind right now, what would it be?
I would answer:
Ask for forgiveness to feel peace.
This has been a question that triggered immediate introspection in me. It took me to that moment that I need, in which I want to ask for forgiveness to feel peace.
This is a priority in my life, I don't know if it can ever happen. I don't think about it every day either, but it's what comes to my mind immediately and I know that my soul requires it.
As we go through different stages of life, our perspectives, values and goals can evolve, leading us to seek meaning and clarity in our choices.
At this point in my life, I have accumulated both personal and professional experience that has shaped my vision of the world, and makes me understand that my bad decision 18 years ago was a big mistake.
I was 22 years old, and I was determined to separate my oldest son from his father. And if I would like to do something today, it is to stand in front of that person and apologize to him in front of my son. He is the one who suffers today, because he does not remember a single hug from his father. He moved to the USA 10 years ago. No intention of returning.
Before that time I hid with my son, I moved tirelessly like a criminal. I, who had done nothing. I thought hiding my son was the solution. I led an absurd life of loneliness, just being a recent graduate with a child, who just got married because a lawyer said that if she was married it would be easier for her to gain custody of her child.
Many factors came into play, at first he didn't really take responsibility, then it took almost a year to give him his last name. Later we quarreled legally. But that, those reasons, only the others scratched my heart. I just wanted him to see that little boy with loving eyes. And acts inappropriately.
I lost my studies that I completed with so much effort, I lost my best jobs. I lost my friendships. Today I only have my knowledge, and my children. Sometimes I think that I pay for those years of pain that I caused and I am seeing my children suffer from my mistake.
When my son finally managed to have telephone contact with him and his paternal family, it was already too late. He was no longer here in the country. Today my son has many doubts, they have told him that his father suffered too much for not being able to find him. That he was sick with pain until he decided to leave, that his great-grandmother died wanting to see that baby who was my son.
I'm sorry for causing so much pain, for being so immature, and for listening to other people who only had resentment in their hearts. Today I wonder how I was able to do that. So many wrong decisions I made to hide. So many that today we are alone, my children and I, experiencing deprivation. But above all we lack the hugs and support of the entire family, not because of that action, but because of things of fate.
I felt immense pain when my eldest son repeated to me several times crying: Couldn't you agree for me?
My oldest son, today he is 20 years old, in May he will be 21. Since he was 12 years old, he communicated with his father secretly from me. From that moment on, his father paid for his private school, his food, his clothing and other needs. Today he continues to pay for his studies at the university. And he continues to pay attention to his clothing and food, even though my son works and studies.
This has been my experience of the weekend, of reflection. To show my need to seek forgiveness, and to show my deepest pain.
Without a doubt, at this moment, if I had one thing on my mind, it would be to go and apologize for all the damage. For confusing destiny and confusing the paths.
The images are my property, showing that an agreement can be reached
