In my experience, many of the things that make our lives difficult exist more in our own heads than in reality. Sometimes it is that we worry over aspects of the future that will likely never come to pass. Trapped in anxiety, we find more grief than would ever have been necessary.
Other times it is our perception of a situation in motion that holds us back from optimal choices. I've found both in myself, and in others, a tendency to look at the variables of a problem in a far too linear manner. We are, after all, creatures that learn from past trajectories.
If A has often led to B in our lives, we may look at any interaction with variable A as if it must relate to variable B. By turning these odds on their side and looking at the issue with a fresh perspective, we often find new and better solutions.
Making the choice to hash out issues in this manner heavily relates to the most valuable lesson I've recieved while pursing a minimalist lifestyle...
Work Smarter, Not Harder!
Although this is a saying that made its imprint on my life initially when I joined the workforce, it has taken on many meanings to me since then. Sometimes working smarter is as simple as doing things in a way that may be counterintuitive at first.
Motherhood showed me how valuable problem solving flexibility can be!
My issue was that my children were making an incredible mess with the toys in their playroom. I wanted us to clean as we go, putting away some toys before taking out more.
Instead of interrupting their play to address my issue, or worse getting frustrated that the room was such a disaster, I went for option C. I made a game out of cleaning up a bit.
By doing this I found a solution that not only worked best for everyone involved, I also found freedom from the past. As silly as it may sound in this context, sometimes even a small perception change is huge in daily life.
I let go of my preconceived notion that I would be exasperated cleaning up later on. I gave myself the freedom to enjoy the moment more fully.
This also protected little feet from tripping all over the blocks. Win-win-win!
This sort of thinking has helped me tremendously in motherhood, as well as other areas of my life!
If you decide to skew your perspective, anything can be a game. Cleaning, running errands, food prep... Task batching is magic that doesn't have to only apply to productivity. It can be a doorway into finding the beauty and fun in everyday tasks!
I find that working smarter not harder can highlight emotional intelligence equally as well as it illuminates the value of crafty problem solving.
Just as logistical problems often have the strongest roots in our own heads, I find that much of our emotional suffering is similarly seated.
So often I hear others wishing that a friend, significant other, or co-worker would make a gesture towards them that would improve their emotional state.
How many times have you experienced a serial hint dropper frustrated that their bid for acknowledgement has gone unanswered? How many of us look for help, affection, or attention from the outside, only to be disappointed?
I say we redirect this expended energy into solving our own problems when possible.
I spent a lot of my 20's as a hint dropper and perpetual pleaser. I wished that others would gift me a sense of fulfillment through some sort of acknowledgement. I filled the cups of others with a background hope that my cup would be filled by another person's hands.
Boy, did that make me unhappy!
It turns out that you can wilt inside waiting for someone to notice you need something. No matter if it is under the pressures of life or a simple thing like the need for affection, why delay yourself?
I developed a habit that I think perfectly symbolizes how I've learned to nurture myself and address my own needs. I buy myself flowers as a treat occasionally.
Maybe it was my absent mother or the fact that I always seemed to be the oddball in one way or another growing up; I had a strong and unhealthy desire for attention.
As I grew into a woman this formed disdain. I became embittered by the lack of genuine acts. A realization that the attention I did receive was a ploy to get in my pants or manipulate me shed desire, yet the underlying need was still there.
One day it dawned on me that I should be romancing myself; giving myself the kindness that I wished others would offer.
Although I do not have to gather myself flowers these days, the idea behind it stayed with me. I'm unwilling to set the things I really need aside to please others now. I'm unwilling to wait around and see if I get what is best for me. I go out and directly seize the things my soul yeans for.
Why work tirelessly and endlessly waiting for someone to give you things you can give yourself? I learned that it is better to simply do things on your terms, in your way, and strive to appreciate the results fully. For me, this keeps fulfillment simple, fun. I'm working smarter not harder, logistically, emotionally, spiritually.
