Presumed Innocent
Some people have no sense of remorse or guilt at all. At times, I envy those people even though they also deeply disturb me (think sociopaths and psychopaths). Most of us have some sense of guilt, and a big problem for many people with mental health issues such as depression or anxiety is a pervasive sense of guilt. This is something I struggle with. However, we need not feel so guilty all the time!
It is important to have a personal sense of integrity. By that, I mean that we each need to have a type of code of honour by which we live our lives. It is equally important to realize that no one is perfect. Although it seems obvious, one of the most difficult concepts to fully understand is that none of us is pure, one-dimensional, or defined by just one character trait. That is a sort of simplistic thinking that many of us fall into sometimes.
However, when you think about it, it is clear that sometimes, good people do bad things, and, similarly, a bad person can do a good thing. In fact, this is what makes movies, television shows, and books interesting – when there are “good” characters who go astray or “bad” characters who perform acts of kindness. This is interesting to us because it gives the characters depth. Furthermore, it makes them seem like real people. Why is that? Well, because real people are like that – good people don’t always do good, and bad people don’t always do bad things.
When we recognize this, it is easier to understand that life is not simple and that it is a distortion of reality to think in overly simplistic terms. If you do something bad, that doesn’t make you a bad person, and one good act does not create a good person. Very honest people sometimes lie or do something dishonest. Pathological liars might sometimes actually tell the truth.
I realized recently that a lot of my feelings of guilt come from my strong sense of empathy. This might sound counter-intuitive. Generally, speaking, I am sensitive and perceptive. I can often read people easily. However, even so, there are times when I might say or write something that is completely off key and insensitive. I might say or write something that was not as well considered as it should have been or I might do something that hurts someone’s feelings. While it is usually not anything big, I still feel bad when it happens. When you discover that you have said or done something that upset someone, what do you do? How you respond defines your character.
The best response is to apologize and try to make it right. Taking responsibility for our actions is very important. After that, many of us might continue to feel guilty. However, it is important to remind ourselves that even the most sensitive person can sometimes be insensitive. Even the most brilliant person can do something stupid on occasion.
This type of realization helps to alleviate unnecessary feelings of guilt and allows us to move forward. I often have the (false) impression that I am responsible for other people’s feelings. Let me say this for both of us: you are not responsible for other people’s feelings. Well, sometimes, to some extent you might be. The things you say or do might affect people. You might trigger a reaction. However, often, people blame us for things for which we bear no responsibility.
For example, someone might try to convince you that it is your fault that they forgot where they put their glasses – you distracted them, perhaps. It is important to remain vigilant in order to realize when we are being blamed for things that are not our fault. Otherwise, we can end up feeling very guilty because we accept ridiculous accusations that are not about us at all.
In my experience, people who are abusive can often be particularly prone to blaming others for their actions. Sometimes, such people might say something like, “If the other person had not upset me, I wouldn’t have hit them.” They literally blame the victim. Ironically, people in abusive relationships often take that blame and honestly believe that they are responsible for this other person’s terrible behaviour.
While having the ability to feel guilt or remorse means that you have a conscience, and, if you have hurt someone, feeling some guilt is appropriate, it doesn’t need to take over your life. You can let it go. You can choose to increase your awareness of yourself and how your words and actions affect others. Ultimately, though, you can recognize that there is a boundary between yourself and others. The onus is not on you to prevent others from making bad decisions. Nor is it your job to prevent someone else from drinking, taking drugs, or being angry. You can help others, but, ultimately, the responsibility is theirs.
I must constantly remind myself of these things. I feel a lot of inappropriate guilt, and it feeds my depression. It is important to appreciate ourselves and like ourselves for the things we do. We should recognize our own positive traits. This is something I could probably stand to work on.
Conclusion
Too many people walk around feeling guilt needlessly. On the one hand, sometimes, it is appropriate to feel remorse – when we have hurt someone in some way. In those cases, we need to atone for our actions and then move on. However, often, we have a lingering sense of guilt. We feel that we are bad people as a result of one or two bad actions.
At the same time, it is important to take responsibility for our own actions and not blame others when we have done something wrong. Cultivating an appropriate sense of guilt wherein we take responsibility for our actions, but are not mired in self-loathing when we have done wrong, is essential to good mental health.
This is one of the many things I am working on.
Much love,
Harlow
(P.S. Help the Ukraine with Hivebuzz's NFTs for peace if you can. zirochka has published four articles showing how these funds are already being used to help people in need..)
Too many people simply give up too easily. You have to keep the desire to forge ahead, and you have to be able to take the bruises of unsuccess. Success is just one long street fight.
Milton Berle, Comedian
Photo Credit - Insanely Cute Kitten
Photo Credit - Ukrainian Flag - Peace in Ukraine with a free Ukraine soon I hope
Today is Day 8 of HiveBloPoMo. It's not too late to start, my friends! https://ecency.com/hive-134671/@traciyork/hive-blog-posting-month-aka-hiveblopomo-starts-april-1st-2022
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