First Of Two Appointments

I recently mentioned in a blog that I had been making preparations for this week by trying to start our scooter and go for a ride. Today was the first of the two days this week that I needed and still have the scooter. Tomorrow is the second day. However, today was the most unexpected reason for which I suddenly needed the scooter. Something I haven't done in almost 10 years. Something that, to be honest, I also thought I wouldn't do again, and perhaps also hoped for a long time that it would no longer be necessary. But today I had a job interview on my schedule. Perhaps something very normal for many, perhaps even every day. A milestone for me, you can even see that for me it was a return to a world from which I had been alienated for years.

Flashback

In October 2014 I was told that my third temporary contract would not be converted into a permanent contract. This was like a slap in the face at the time, and when my contract ended in December 2014, our lives changed significantly. Our finances deteriorated significantly and had to adjust everything. Of course, I tried what I could to find a new job, but the job market was a different world back then. There were not as many vacancies as there are now, and people stood in a long queue, so to speak, to fill those vacancies. My lack of a good diploma and my now ex-employer did not work in my favor. You can add to that my long-term struggle with self-confidence, and you get the idea, it was the ultimate recipe for one disappointment after another. A vicious circle from which I could not escape, and which ultimately made me deeply depressed. After this I decided, in consultation with my partner, to give up applying for a job. We had now adapted our lifestyle and expenses to what we could.

Even though our financial situation was not rosy, my partner supported my decision. In December 2017 I found my way into the crypto world and there was hope that I could build an income by investing a lot of my time. I gave everything to myself and worked hard for it, but the financial situation did not change enough. And I still haven't been able to build up financial security.

Living As a Hermit

And besides the fact that I still haven't been able to build up financial security, other things slowly started to affect me. I started to feel more and more like a hermit, sometimes flying up the walls, so to speak, because I wanted more than was possible. I miss social contacts, in short... I miss a lot of zest for life. As nice as it is to be at home with the dogs around me, it is not nice if you never go anywhere other than just being at home. The world is bigger. I have felt trapped in my life in recent months, stuck in repetition, deprived of social interaction and zest for life.

And of course, that bit of finance! My partner has taken care of me all these years without complaint. But I would also like us to do better together. I want to ensure that I can stand on my own two feet and no longer be dependent. Ensuring that he can save something instead of having everything go away without any opportunity to save. Making sure we can do something fun together that we can't do right now. And that is only possible if you create financial security. Unfortunately, I have not been able to create that certainty with crypto so far. So I decided it was time to try again. Not only for financial security but also for our well-being.

More Relaxed Than Before

And so I started looking around for jobs again. But this time with a different attitude. I don't have to go to work. And I certainly don't want a full-time job either. A part-time job, preferably from home, would suffice. The labor market currently appears to be more favorable than before, with more vacancies and less competition.

And I noticed that. So that's how I ended up in today's situation. A situation that I have carefully avoided for years. Send a motivation letter and receive an invitation for an interview by telephone an hour later. And that conversation was today. Today was the day, of my first job interview in ten years. I felt no pressure to succeed. Very strange, because what I know about myself is that I get nervous a week in advance, but knowing that my partner has my back no matter the outcome, I was able to enter into this conversation very relaxed.

Road closure

However, don't think that everything went smoothly because I wasn't nervous. On the contrary, only the obstacles were of a different order. In retrospect I say, it's a good thing that I have changed. Roadworks caused me to get lost on the way to the interview. If this had happened in 2017, I would never have made my way to the interview. Then this would have totally freaked me out. I would have turned around and driven back to the safety of my house and dogs. And here I noticed the biggest difference between then and now. Today I overstepped myself, didn't panic but asked a passerby for help and found my way.

Fears Overcome

I don't know if I'll get the job. But that doesn't matter. Today felt like a victory over itself. I have overcome my fears and opened up new possibilities. After ten years, it feels like something has awakened in me, something that has been dormant all this time. Maybe this is the beginning of a new chapter, a chapter with better finances for my partner and me. Whatever the future holds, today was a step in the right direction. And that alone is reason enough to be proud.

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