June 17, 2023
Christening of my niece with my sister and cousinsIt's typical to hear that having children will truly change your whole life and your whole perspective. In our country, it's common to hear this question from older people, especially from family members and relatives,"When are you getting married and having a child?" Each time I am questioned by this, I'll just smile and answer them, "It's not in my plan yet."
As much as possible, I am avoiding such kind of conversation. It makes me question myself, "Why is it so easy for others to get married and build a family without minding the consequences and possibilities that may happen in the future?" Some don't even have a preparation. Some were tied by accident, such as the unexpected early pregnancy of a girlfriend so it left them no choice but to tie the knot. Some succeeded in their marriage, while others ended up in separation.
I feared getting into a broken family, which is why I am not into marriage or having a child. The main reason is that I don't want my child to be fatherless and get bullied by his playmates for having no father. Someone told me that it is already common nowadays and people won't really care about it anymore. That is somehow true. A lot of children grew up with only one parent. A lot of women are just having children but not marrying the father of their children for some reason. Some probably just don't want to change their family name, while some just truly want to have a child, but not a husband, lol.
It has even become a joke among single ladies, Just get a child, not a husband. How the hell will I make it without tucking my naked body in a bed with a man for a night? I wish we could just draw a baby, let the magic happen, and woop, I now have a child! Or just have sex with a random stranger to get pregnant. That is insane! I'm a person who will never get into that kind of sexual activity without love being involved. I swear that to myself.
It's so easy for some ladies to say, I just want a child. Unbeknownst to them, real life would start once they got one. I may be a single lady, but I've been through a lot of experiences and difficulties in taking care of children, not just one, but many.
Growing up in a big family as the oldest daughter, I stood as the second mother to my younger siblings. So at a very young age, I experienced being a mother. I carried different babies in my arms and became their teacher/older sister, guiding them until they grew up. Making baby milk, sterilizing baby bottles, changing diapers, washing dirty clothes, sending them to sleep, making weird stuff just to stop them from crying, rocking, cuddling, playing with them, and waking up in the middle of the night just to feed a crying baby. I did them all for many years.
They were just some of those I babysit, lol.
There were certain periods when my mother would visit my father in his camp in a faraway place, and stay there for a month or so. Thus, giving all the duties to me and my older brothers. I was the sole mother of my younger siblings and did all the things a mother does. That usually happens during summer vacations. Imagine your vacation turning into distress. Who wants it?
And during those tiring days and sleepless nights, I oath to myself, I don't want to get a child. The main reason was purely based on my experience, and the fact that I was a student back then, taking care of children and studying was freaking exhausting. Thinking about it now, it is no different from working and taking care of a family.
Moreover, I've witnessed my mother's pain and struggles during pregnancy, labor, and raising her children. I couldn't imagine myself in the same situation. Her hardships were commendable, especially since she was all alone most of the time because our father was always away to make a living. And most of the time, he wasn't by my mother's side when she gave birth to a new baby. How it feels to have no one to hold your hand when making a fundal push is something I don't want to bear.
I know it's a different feeling when you take care of your own child. Babies' smiles and laughter are truly pacifying. I couldn't agree more. Despite the stress I was getting back then in babysitting my younger siblings, it easily fades when hearing their soothing laughter and seeing their stress reliever smiles. And seeing them growing while following a good path makes me feel even prouder with the thought that I've been part of their childhood journey.
But who knows? My mind might change regarding this matter. I am probably just afraid of losing the freedom I have now if I get into another phase of life, just like most mothers. Some would say, just have a child so that someone would take care of you when you grow old. Nah, I have many nieces and nephews, I'll just get one for me, lol. But whether I get a child or not, at least, in my life, I experienced being a mother.
This is in response to @galenkp's Weekend Engagement 158 with the topic:
Children (two)
If you have no children - Do you want them and why? What challenges would you face in the process, pre-child, during the pregnancy, and post-birth moving forward in your opinion? If you don't want them to go ahead and explain why. Write a post of 300+ words - use images you took yourself if possible.
If you are interested to join, feel free to click the link above and share your thoughts regarding the given topics.
Happy weekend and Happy Father's Day to all fathers and single mothers out there ☺️.
(All photos are mine)
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