May 31, 2022
They said that our position in the family has a sense of impact and it truly matters. The responsibilities we get also depend on which spot we are in, as well as the characters we develop. So what position are you in your family? And how different are you from your siblings? Do you carry more responsibilities or fewer?
I came across these interesting prompts on Ladies of Hive after being mentioned by @princessbusayo and she invited me to take the challenge, and one of the prompts is about the position in the family.
*Image from Unsplash by Juliane Liebermann
Commonly, the firstborn is the most responsible one and most likely to follow the path of the family. But the firstborn is also putting a lot of pressure on him/herself aside from the ones he/she gets from the family because of other people's expectations. Even approval in every decision is important and as if he/she serves as a second parent in the family.
Meanwhile, the middle born seems to be flexible and outgoing. But correct if I'm wrong, some black sheep in the family is the middle born 😅. But if the firstborn opts to change his/her path, it's the second child or middle child that would carry the burdens that the firstborn has abandoned. Of course, the youngest is considered the luckiest and usually follows a different path from the rest of the family. He/she usually has his/her own world and creates his/her dreams differently from others. And he/she is also keen on learning different things and pursuing things he/she wants.
I'm the third of the thirteen (yeah, you read it right, we're a small platoon, and our soldier father was our commander, lol). And back when I was younger, I always wished to be the youngest so I didn't need to worry about responsibilities thrown at me at a young age. I may be the third, but the eldest daughter and that is even more tedious since I needed to act as the second mother in the family, and the real assistant to her. Thus, the babysitter of my younger siblings.
Back when I was in high school, my classmates often went on road trips or went swimming on the weekend. I, on the other hand, would envy them and would imagine how happy they were on the beach, while I was cuddling a baby and a baby bottle on my other hand, trying to send our baby sibling to sleep so I could rest my tired arms. After sending our baby sibling to sleep, it wasn't the end of my duty yet as I still needed to help my mother to do other house chores, or look after my other young siblings.
*Image from Unsplash by Ben White
I always questioned my parents in my mind, "why can't they have better family planning? Why do I need to deprive myself of doing things I want? Why can't I enjoy my life? Why do I need to take responsibilities that shouldn't be mine." I felt unfortunate back when I was younger. But the responsibilities became lesser when I got to college since I needed to live in a boarding house near our school in the city. During those years, I was free to do things that I want away from responsibilities at home.
I thought I'll be free from responsibilities since I have two older brothers, until my eldest brother got married at a young age, then followed by my second older brother. And me, the third one and the eldest daughter, took all responsibilities that should be theirs. As I stepped out of school, there were already burdens that were waiting for me to deal with. And the freedom that I wanted? I may be free and can do everything since I got a job and earn on my own, but not free from responsibilities waiting for me at home.
It is common in our country that the oldest child becomes the breadwinner of the family. But since I became the oldest non-married child, even though I'm the third, I had a bitter twist of fate and chose the life that I don't want. It also took my freedom at a young age and followed the path drawn by others. I wanted a lot of things for myself, but I always considered those who were at home and opted not to get my wants as I have to provide for their needs. Technically, I'm living and working for their own sake and putting my own priorities, needs, and wants on the second line.
How did that experience help you become, or hinder you from becoming, a successful adult?
I don't consider myself a failure, nor a successful adult YET, but I believe in myself that I'll become one. And my experiences as a breadwinner taught me to become more mindful, and resilient, and view life from a better perspective. My journey isn't just for myself, but for others, and so I became a dreamer and a conqueror.
My position in the family may have hindered me to get the real freedom that I wanted, yet, it taught me a lot of lessons and things about life, helped me grow as a person, and became stronger, mentally and physically. And I may not be successful in professional or financial aspects YET, but I can say that I succeed in conquering the challenges my life has thrown at me. And because of my position in the family, I am where I currently am and learning how to enjoy life despite the responsibilities and challenges.
There shouldn't be a hindrance to enjoying life as there are a lot of ways to attain things we are aiming for regardless of the responsibilities placed on our shoulders.
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