The photo is me and mine
"Come on JellyVine", my schoolmate is begging me, the freshman. I'm a first year student in Baptist Seminary but since I've been a loner, I just can't enjoy get-together.
It was a lunch fellowship and we did contribute a certain amount of money for food and yet I am not in the mood to go to the hall. My schoolmate who is a year ahead of me, Manang Indai I calls her keep nudging me to come.
"Okay, I'll just get a plate of food but I'll eat here in dorm's sala."
I let Manang Indai dragged me out of the dorm and she ushered me to the buffet spread in the hall.
"Where have you been, JellyVine?", the dorm's Dean is asking me.
"I was in the dorm, Ma'am", I answered politely hiding my annoyance.
"It's called lunch fellowship, why were you there? Atleast you should have helped setting the food", and she's gone.
I always hated the idea of having Ma'am Cor monitoring our movements. We have regular prayer time and testimony time but it doesn't end there. She monitors our library hour, the lights off and even the meals.
I had a tough life but I'm not used to live with so lots of people from different places with different languages and attitude. I'm pretty melancholic and I do seems to have a grayish cloud above my head all the time. I don't smile much too as I don't have pretty set of front teeth.
After getting my food, I sat in the corner of the hall for I saw my music teacher by the exit. I can't escape. I ate silently until my classmate from Basilan who's my crush sat beside me. He's having a hard time speaking the national language and I don't know how to speak savacano as well. We just smiled and get back to our food.
"Uh, I'm tired", I muttered to myself. I can never last in the room full of vibrant people.
Few minutes passed after I was done with my meal, I slowly left for the kitchen bringing a pile of dishes to wash. I finds it easier to deal with dishes than deal with people, and so many times I wished I could just live alone in the mountains. I don't know where to get my sustenance though.haha
No one came to the kitchen just yet and I started washing the used utensils as well as plates I gathered myself. Ah, bliss. No one is pestering me and I'm alone with my thoughts. "How could I finish four years in this place? This is always crowded."
"VINE!!", someone shouted to my ear, trying to scare me maybe and it's my crush again smiling widely. "What's wrong with this man?"
I smiled awkwardly and I continue doing the dishes as if he didn't bothered me.
"Why are you sad?", he asked me in awkward Tagalog.
"I'm not sad, I just don't find the crowd great. Go back to hall if you won't help me."
Amazingly, he left me all alone.
Fast forward to a class with Pastor Cadeliña. It's an evangelism class and thus the basic skill should be how to approach stranger and talk about faith confidently. I am good at it, initiating conversation with strangers, just NO to forcing me to enjoy parties with small talks.
"Good morning, Nay. How are you? Can you spare me few minutes to talk?"
I'm good at it.
The problem is, the activity related to it is the evangelistic campaign. It is, what it is, a campaign. Eating together now, goofing around with not just my fellow ladies in the dorm but also with the men and the host churches.It is a two weeks affair with friendly basketball tournament, film viewing and even drama-acting on stage!😭 I did it all though, slowly breaking down my personality style.
It's just one subject and there's a lot more of it with so different activities that involves people. Hymn playing, teaching kids, are as tough activities.
"JellyVine, learn to be involved more. Being a church worker is no lone ranger." That's my Senior Pastor Trimar's words and I always say yes to it. I do pray to the Lord Jesus whom I serve to help me out with my personality.
As I keep getting reprimanded for being a team killer, and being coached that it's no good to have brains and skills but can't work with a team, at last,I slowly learn to adjust (or maybe I just get used to my seminary people).
I got weekend works in a church and that's another adjustments for more humans are involved; and I happen to be in my home church, my town. I always want to retire after the night program during overnight youth hour fellowship but I just can't for teens tend to have lots to share; especially their struggles in school or at home. I'm good with listening and counseling but I get tired easily. Everytime there's crowd, it's just so draining for me. How I wished I'll learn the secret to last longer.
Four years went by, so sickeningly slow and I finished it by God's grace, the four years course. I didn't get disqualified to work in the church and I got employed right away during internship. It's not only the classmates and schoolmates to deal with now but co-teachers, parents and kids. Sad to say, I am still in such condition that I am just active half a day during school days. We visit kid's parents on Saturday and Sunday is church day, I'm getting weaker and weaker until I'm sick of it and gave up. I quit teaching in school and attended a missions training.
"JellyVine, you're great with conversation and asking questions but you're not a crowd person", one of the training staff stated plainly to me.
I didn't work on my project then, the community work I had planned on for three months in the missions training and I went to live with my aunt who was pregnant that time. It's just my aunt and her husband's family but I can't deal with it. It's in the Metro, busy city yet so lonely. I hated it more.
"I'm going home", I said crying to her aunt and grandma.
I went back to countryside, in my town and the Feeds Store was it that hired me and I loved it.
People, still lots of people everywhere but they come and go after small talks and I'm alone throughout the day; and at last, I last.
The perfect scenario it is, having my own time to my own dream farm so early in the morning (dawn to be exact) and I got a job that pays throughout the day and got my own livestocks to care, I'm doing well.
I meet community people during weekends with talks and foods occasionally; teens to counsel from time to time and naughty kids to scold but adores, in church; and here I am, blogging too. Haha
I drifted for a while in blogging world but I found my Teem Limit Breakers and it's amazing that I, at last, belongs.
