Around last year, as I was coming to terms with my diagnoses, an old friend from one of the neighborhoods where I grew up came to check on me. He did not come specifically to check on me, but he had heard that my brother had died. We have only been catching up via Whatsapp, which is how far we have gotten to know ourselves.
I only know how well he was doing from what he posted on social media, and to be honest, that is how a lot of people who are supposed to be friends are. People have posted about the restaurants they eat at, the most recent update on their dogs, their graduation, the car they recently purchased, and other things to demonstrate how well they are doing.
People enjoy posting about how well they are doing; it is a sociocultural norm associated with social media. 80% of the people I know in real life adhere to these trends. So, if you are someone who mostly talks or posts pictures about almost half of their lives, you may be duped into predicting people's lives based on what they say on social media.
However, after my brother's death, I had the opportunity to speak with this guy and learn a lot about him. He was not a complete life poster; he mostly did funny memes and such, but we talked about our lives and I told him my own story.
We used to party together, and he smoked as well, but after many years I realized we had both undergone significant life changes; the other difference was that he had family members, whereas I had lost all of mine in the span of 12 years. He could not believe I was going through all of this and still not telling anyone. 95% of the people I was close to did not know much about me.
It was not because I was not good at sharing; I simply had not accepted everything I was going through. Sometimes you have to experience acceptance before you can share; I have not quite reached that level of acceptance, so I could not really share.
It can be stressful to persuade others to see things your way.
People do not know what they do not know, and sometimes it is best to leave them guessing. I understand that we need the help of others in life; sharing something with another person may result in an unexpected display of empathy from them, but if we never try, we will never know.
However, when I told this guy about my situation, he prayed for me and wished me well, and then he began sending me money for my medical bills, which was not much, but it was hard-earned money given to me. The fact that it was hard earned made me appreciate it, and the fact that he was struggling financially to pay his own bills made the gift even more valuable to me.
At first, it made no sense to me. If I had not been paying hospital bills, I would have been financially better off than he was, and I have spent a lot of money on medical bills over time. This has left me with no plans to start a business or even have one that can generate monthly income for me. Everything has gone into medical expenses, and he may have considered this as well. I do not know; I am guessing.
Perhaps he was simply sympathetic to my situation, or it was something else entirely, but it was something no one had done for me in a long time.
I remember explaining some of the cardiac and renal issues to him, and he found it overwhelming. I could not even explain to him that it was a chronic condition caused by complications, but I am sure he understands in his own way.
People with medical bills are inevitably becoming poorer by the day, and he probably considered this. Most people who pay medical bills are becoming poorer by the day; it may take years for them to go bankrupt, but they will do so sooner than someone who is a spendthrift or lives financially irresponsibly.
This guy showed up at my house a few days ago after I called him and told him about some unexpected good news for me and my family, and when he arrived, he transferred money to my account number. The funny thing was that he spent more than an hour telling me about his financial problems and how difficult college has been for him.
Although I had not told him that I wanted us to start a joint business (I was secretly planning it for when there would be a bull run), I could not help him in my current situation unless a miracle happened. So it surprised me that he left and continued to send money to my bank account. Again, it was not a lot of money, but it was the fourth time he would done it.
I would have returned his money to him, but that would have most likely been an insult. It is more comfortable when someone who is financially secure gives you money, but it feels bad when a struggling person gives you money, but I suppose life works differently.
One, More Than Many
Apparently, I am not used to thanking people; it feels strange because I have not done it often, but I have found myself thanking this guy for all of his thoughts, empathy, and love. It makes me feel indebted, and even though I shouldn't, I believe I am.
I believe we should feel grateful to those who have given up what is most important to them to assist you. There are not many people like that in life, and being in debt and holding yourself accountable will make you feel compelled to be a good person.
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