I don’t exactly remember when it started. I mean, I didn't see it coming. It just started and before I knew it, it became a habit. It seeped into my veins, only to live there rent-free until I addressed it. Although I don’t exactly remember when it started, my mom claims it started when I got back from boarding school. “He was such a good and gentle boy.” These were her go-to words after every of my “episodes.” According to her, growing up, I used to be very gentle and never yelled whenever my siblings wronged me. But, everything changed when I got to high school and my parents sent me to boarding school.
Looking back, I am unsure if attending boarding school triggered my anger episodes. The truth is that I never wanted to go to that hell hole. The first day when my parents dropped me off, I sat in the middle of the school fied and wept until one of the seniors came to console me. Although I had ugly experiences in boarding school and wouldn't recommend any parents take their kids to one, I don’t think the cause of my anger issues was the boarding house. When my episodes became really frequent, I sat down and did a thorough analysis. I came up with the best explanation to what I was going through- puberty. I had already started experiencing other signs and symptoms of puberty so it was just right that anger issues would follow. I read that during puberty, the body undergoes several physical and emotional changes.
I tried as much as I could to silence it. I made several vows to myself, but to no avail. My mom also played a huge role in helping control my episodes. She bought a book for me to help me learn how to control it. “Swallow Irritation Before Irritation Swallows You,” by an Indian author. Before she gave me the book, she showed me the figure on the cover page. “Can you see how wrinkled his face is? If you don’t want your face to be like this, stop getting angry over every little thing.” As a book lover, I was really eager to read the content. Completing that book marked a turning point in my life. I'd always stare at the wrinkle-faced figure. I stared at it so much that it became engrained in my mind.
Every now and then, my mind would revert to that image. I grew up with siblings and cousins. In a family like that, it is only natural that people would step on your toes. Getting angry was inevitable. Tell me how I wouldn't get angry when I’d cover my sumptuous food in the kitchen and a certain hungry human being would go ahead to eat it? The first thing I did to controlling my episodes was to ignore and walk away. “IGNORE AND WALK AWAY. It works every time. Just when you are on the verge of bursting out, just take a step back and walk away.
Today, people often don’t believe me when I share that I used to struggle with crazy anger issues. Me, who used to be hot-headed and would flare up over everything little thing, is now so cool and composed. What's my secret? Ignore and walk away. Learn to ignore and walk away.
