Red flags are those warning signs you notice in someone during a relationship. However, many people tend to overlook them, with the hope that the person will eventually change or they can change the person. But the truth is that no one can truly change another person , they would only change if they really want to.
Most times, ignoring these red flags always leads to regret. It's usually that "had I known" moment, where you look back and realize you saw all the bad behaviors before things got serious but chose to put them aside, and allow your feelings blind you to the truth and cloud your judgment.
I have only been in one serious relationship all my life, but one red flag I’ve learned to never ignore is a lack of openness. I place a high value on transparency. In my view, both partners should be able to share things freely, without feeling the need to hide anything. When someone isn’t upfront about something important, it raises alarms for me and makes me feel like they have skeletons in their cupboard.
I remember dating this girl in my first year at university. She was stunning, so attractive that I couldn't help but be drawn to her. We got close quickly, and even before I officially asked her out, we were already dating. But something along the way felt off. One night, while we were walking around campus, she was acting a bit suspicious, keeping her phone out of sight. I didn’t bring it up at the time, but later, when we sat down in class, she asked to check my phone. I agreed but insisted she unlock hers as well. She went through my phone and found nothing. When I checked hers, though, I saw conversations with her male best friend that was full of “I love yous” and messages that clearly crossed the line of just friendship.
Looking back, I regret checking her phone because that moment was the beginning of the end for us. I couldn't trust her anymore and once trust was broken, it didn’t matter how much I liked her; I couldn’t see the relationship working. For me, a relationship without trust is like a house built on sand, it’s only a matter of time before it collapses.
Another major red flag for me is disrespect. Disrespect isn’t just about harsh language or rudeness rather it’s about not valuing the other person. I had a friend who was in a relationship with a girl he was crazy about. He spent a lot on her, bought her everything she wanted, but she still kissed another guy and even told him about it as if it were nothing. She wasn’t even sorry because she believed he loved her too much to walk away. That, to me, is the height of disrespect. If someone ever disrespects me like that, I’m ending things immediately and i am not giving any second chances.
The biggest red flag of all, for me, is cheating. Cheating isn’t a mistake or some act of the devil. It’s a conscious choice. You know exactly what you’re doing before you let someone else into your life in that way. I’ve even heard stories of girls who say they won’t sleep with their boyfriends until marriage, yet they’re sleeping with other guys they call "just friends." For me, that’s a massive red flag and a clear signal to walk away.
In the end, nobody is perfect. Everyone has their flaws.
But you see certain red flags, like dishonesty, disrespect, and cheating, are non-negotiable for me. No matter how much I care for someone, if I see those signs, I'll choose to walk away. It's far better for me to protect my peace and my self respect than to stay in a relationship that’s bound to crumble and fall apart.
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