Growing up, we lived in a spacious home that even had a big, solid wooden dining table. But despite having that setup, we never had dinner together. Everyone in my family was always busy, everyone was just caught up in their own routines and schedules. I’m the youngest, and back then, I was in hostel during high school, which kept me away for most of the year. My siblings were in university, so they were often away too, caught up with classes, projects, or hanging out with friends. This meant that, even during the times when I was st home, my siblings might not be around—they’d still be in school, visiting friends, or off somewhere else.
Even on the rare occasions when we did have a few of us in the house at once, we still didn’t really come together to eat as one family. There were times when a few of us would sit in the same room to eat, but it was always on a different schedule. And instead of gathering around that big dining table, we’d just set up a small wooden table in front of our chairs in the living room and eat while watching TV. It was like an unspoken rule that you could eat wherever you wanted. Whether it was in your room or in the living room, nobody cared, as long as you cleaned up and took care of your dishes when you were done.
Our family setup was largely shaped by my mom, who was raising us on her own. She didn’t impose strict rules about where or when to eat; everyone had the freedom to do what worked for them. In a way, it gave each of us a sense of independence, and there was never really any tension about where or when someone chose to eat. We all had our own responsibilities in the house, and as long as we did our part, that was enough.
Now, life is a bit different. We’re now staying in a smaller apartment,two of my siblings are married and now staying separately so it’s just me, my mom, and one of my brothers that stay together. These days, we actually eat dinner together in the same place unlike tbefore, and sometimes we even eat at the same time. But then I’ll admit there are times where I still end up eating later than the others, usually because I’m either not that hungry at that particular time or I’m just distracted on my phone doing one thing or the other .
Looking back, I never really thought much about the way things were. I was used to the way we lived and to me everything just felt normal. But now, I realize that the way we did things may have affected the connection between us as a family. Since we didn’t spend much time together, we aren’t as close as I feel some other families are.. We actually go along well enough, but we don’t share that deep familiarity or closeness that some siblings seem to have. I think a big part of that comes from the fact that we were often doing our own thing and weren’t around each other enough to really build strong bonds.
If I could change things, I think I’d prefer a bit more system, where we’d come together regularly, even if just for meals. Sitting down together, even just for 30 minutes a day, could make a difference in connecting and catching up. I believe us having regular family dinners would actually create more shared memories, and a stronger sense of togetherness that I sometimes feel is missing.
At the end of the day, our own style of family dinners had its own impact, but then i believe there’s something valuable in the simple act of just gathering around a table, sharing a meal, and just being present with each other.