Hi everyone and welcome to the second edition of the Adventures from a Lifetime of Staring at Swidis. I'm your host with the hoes, Nevies the unnervous, the eyes of Horus looking at the ass of whore-rus (definitely not a real word but what do you say we stay civil, keep quiet and enjoy the rhyme, eh?).
So this is the second edition, you can read the first here. This is a series where I give situation reports about things that transpire as I go about my daily life being a gentleman, walking upright, breathing in air, keeping an open mind like they say in the philosophy books and lastly keeping an open eye so that all these girls can get in.
Here's the intro to the series of you missed the first one:
Hi everyone,
I'm assuming by now everyone knows I'm like most modest gentlemen out there, which means everyone knows that quite like everybody else I breathe through my nose, eat through my mouth and like me some girls 😀.
There are a lot of things I want to do with these girls, naturally, and once in a while I'm lucky enough to do it with them, other times I'm stumbling and rolling on the ground from hitting the many obstacles that stand between me doing the happy things I want to do with these girls. But there's one thing that is the easiest to do, this one thing that every gentleman like myself dearly love to do, this one thing that never fails us, this one thing that is always readily available to be done if you quite want to. That one thing is: looking at girls!
It never fails. All you need to do is go where girls could be found, or simply go about your daily business in society, keeping an open heart and an open eye and you'd get to absorb all the beauty, hills and plains, curves and edges these ladies drag along with them.
There are studies (you can check one out here), that prove that staring at women can be very beneficial to men's lifespans and health. Now I'm an honest man, I'm not trying to pretend like this study is the reason why I stare at girls, I'd been staring at girls years before the people who carried this study out were even born, but I'm bringing this study up so that you can look at me and be proud of me for the great work I'm busy doing on my health and lifespan instead of doing drugs and ruining my life. You see?
So in my day to day quest to staying a model young man by improving my health in this way, I do have some adventures (Funny how I didn't have to become an archeologist in the end in order to have my fair share of adventure in this life). I've decided I start sharing my adventures, observations and stories with the rest of the world, who knows I might end up inspiring people to be healthier and lead better lives. With that I welcome you all to the brand new series tittled:
Adventures From a Lifetime of Staring at Girls
Confetti!
I'm going to be separating these different adventures/stories and calling them 'Reports' for organizational purposes. Each edition of adventures would typically have many reports so it's not too brief.
So here we go for the second edition!
Report 1
This report is in form of a brotherly advice/warning and it goes like this: If you're walking on the road with a girl that has a nice ass, be careful how you walk, always look around to be sure you're not obstructing anyone's view. Because you never know, I might be in the vicinity trying to feed my eyes. You might not appreciate the danger of my presence till you consider that my slingshot might also be with me.
I'm just saying, friends, its a friendly warning. And no, this has something nothing to do with the swollen heads one or two guys in my area now have.
Report 2
I've began to form the habit of winking at girls when we make eye contact. I know, very sexy habit. Today I was looking at this pretty girl passing by and waiting for her to turn her head and return the look so I can deliver my trademark wink. After a while she turned and made eye contact but just before I issued my wink, I noticed one of her eyes were bad, I immediately calculated that if I wink at her she might think I'm making fun of her bad eye and feel bad, so I stopped my wink dead in it's tracks and smiled instead. I did all this calculation and wink withdrawal in a split second! Do you see the emotional and social intelligence your boy Nevies is dripping with?
Report 3
One night, I was walking by a dark street and a promising looking girl was walking by too, when she walked by me I turned back to see what she had in her trunk but the darkness was too much, I couldn't see anything, and it seemed like this girl had promise! I began wishing a car would come by shining some light in the area like they always do, but alas, no car came by. And the girl went out of sight. Soon as she was out of sight a stupid car rushed in, shining so much light into my eyes that I couldn't see anything. I hit my leg on some stones and stepped into a pothole containing some water and had the dirty water splashed all over myself. Can you imagine!
Well, to cut the story short I would have said I had my revenge, but that is such a strong and hateful way to put it and I'm a man of love, so I'd rather say the next morning an auto mechanic would have to change somebody's headlights and would make some money in the process which he can use to feed his family and his dog:
Report 4
One day I was sitting outside this storey building relaxing. Girls were passing by and I was being a gentleman and giving them the required continuous assessment with my expert eyes. One girl began walking down and from the way she was shaped in the front, I knew for sure she had a lot behind her. I'm a patient man, I waited for her to walk by so I can turn and behold the work of God in her life, but on turning some accursed guy came out from nowhere and walked behind her obstructing my view of canaanland.
What the fuck? I decided to get around him by tilting my head a little to the left. This motherfucker moved to the left too. Ok, I get it, I now tilt my head towards the right where space has been created, but this dude moved to the right immediately too! I tried returning left but this guy had me going back and forth like this, and the girl was slowly moving out of sight so I decided to act quickly. I immediately ran up the stairs of the building so I can look from the balcony but once I got up this guy done brought out a big laptop from nowhere and had it open near his chest leaving the upper part to obstruct my view!
What is this, my goodness! Before you know it, the girl was out of sight.
Well, this guy went scot free but everyone whose head or car headlights got damaged with a slingshot recently should hunt this guy down, because he is to blame, he was the one who caused me to goto the market the next day and carry out the chemical process that turns money into slingshots. Him!
It's a wrap, ladies and gentlemen. Please watch out for more on this series!
😃
Thank you!
You can check out the first edition:
Adventures From a Lifetime of Staring at Girls #1