England. Still full of villages to burn, treasures to steal, and guards who apparently have nothing better to do than disturb the Vikings. When the first castle appeared on the horizon, I knew it was going to be something epic. The plan was simple: I'd go inside, get the treasure, defeat the guards, and come out like a hero. Sounds good, right? It's a pity that nothing went according to plan.
First contact – "Can they see me?"
The castle was huge, surrounded by thick walls and full of guards who looked like they wanted a Viking dinner. But I, as a professional fighter, had my own strategy.
"Okay, Fabian, take it easy now." We're sneaking up," I said to myself, pressing the crouch button.
Eivor walked toward the entrance, hiding behind barrels and wagons. It looked like a scene from an action movie until I decided to see if I could throw an axe at the guard. I couldn't. The problem is that I didn't get it right.
The guard looked straight in my direction and started shouting:
–Intruder! Alarm!
"Great, Fabian, bravo," I muttered, watching all the guards on the screen rush towards me.
Chaos on the walls – "It wasn't part of the plan"
Instead of quietly sneaking through the castle, I was forced to fight in the open. The guards ran out of every nook and cranny, and I threw my axes left and right, trying to defend myself.
"Eivor, come on, show them who's boss!" I yelled, pressing the buttons so quickly that my pad started making strange noises.
One moment I drew my bow to take out the enemy in the tower, and the next I accidentally set fire to a powder keg that was standing right next to me. The explosion threw me into a nearby wall, where another guard with a great sword was waiting.
–Seriously? Are you yet?! I threw at the screen, trying not to panic.
After a few minutes of chaotic fighting, I managed to clear the area, but the castle was still far from being conquered.
The treasure that wanted to kill me
Finally, I reached the main chamber, where – as the map indicated – there was a valuable treasure. The problem was that the guards apparently also had their maps, because they were waiting for me.
"Fabian, it's now or never," I said to myself, throwing myself into the fray.
It was my best moment. I dodged blows, made spectacular attacks and looked like a real Viking. Everything was going perfectly until I had the idea to throw an axe at the big chandelier above the guards' heads.
The chandelier fell... and hit me. Yes, me.
"It was supposed to be for them, not for me!" I shouted, watching Eivor rise from the ground with half his life.
The guards started laughing (seriously, even NPCs can laugh at you in this game), but I managed to defeat them. Finally, I opened the chest, only to find... a new cape. Cape?!
–Truly?! – I exclaimed in disbelief. "I risked my life for the cloak?!"
Escape from the Castle – "Don't Look Down"
After getting the "treasure", it was time to escape. The guards were still everywhere, and I had to find a way to get out of the castle.
"Fabian, there's no room for mistakes now," I said, moving towards the wall.
Of course, the first thing I did was... I fell off the wall. Eivor landed in the moat, and I tried not to burst into tears of laughter.
"Okay, plan B," I said, swimming under the bridge and climbing a nearby rock.
Fortunately, I managed to escape, although the guards were still trying to catch up with me. A message appeared on the screen: "Your name will be remembered... by the survivors."
"Thanks, game, you really lifted my spirits," I said, turning off the combat mode.
Conclusion – Fabian vs. Castle
Conquering the castle was supposed to be epic, but it ended up with chaos, explosions and one of the worst landings in the history of games. But you know what? That's why I love Assassin's Creed Valhalla. Every defeat is an opportunity to laugh, and every win – even if you only get the cape – is a moment when you feel like a real Viking.
And what next? The next post is more adventures, more fights and... Maybe this time I will manage not to kill myself. Because as the Vikings say: "If something is to work, it will certainly not work the first time".
