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Training a child requires a deliberate approach. It is important to note that the brain of a newborn comes empty and ready for knowledge to be impacted by people in his environment. At this very stage, the role of the parent is not only making sure that they impact the right knowledge but also guarding the child against the negative influence of others in society.
No matter how efficient your method of training your child is, he or she will make a mistake at a point or another. The method of correcting them will determine how remorseful they would be about their mistakes and also their readiness to learn from it and avoid a repeat of it.
One very efficient method that I learned from my father is to do more talking than punishment whenever my child goes wrong. My father didn't scare me away from bad actions. Instead, he would sit me down and explain to me why such an action isn't good for me. This would spurred an intrinsic motivation in me to avoid following the wrong path. I don't need to be forced. When opinions or directives are being forced on kids with punishment, it breeds rebellion. They would be like, 'Is it not just punishment?' With time, the punishment becomes ineffective.
I remember those years when my mom's facial expression was enough to tell me that what I was doing was wrong. I can't remember anytime that my parents laid their hands on me. This is the technique that I also train my son with.
The first objective is to let him know, with love, that he is wrong anytime he does something wrong. The first thing I expected from him was to accept his mistakes and take responsibility for his actions. Then he should regret his actions. This will guide him against repeating such an action. I won't get tired talking. I will make sure that what is in my mind will be communicated to him.
My son is only 2 years old. Implementation of my parenting techniques is only at the early stage. One thing that has been instilled in him is to correct him without shouting. He is at the stage of disorganizing the house. He can upturn his box of clothes and empty everything on the floor. Whenever he is quiet for minutes, his mom and I know that he is up to something. All that we need to do to stop him is to tell him to leave what he is doing. With this method, I am sure that I won't have to shout in correcting him as he grows older.
If I have a daughter, I will not forbid her from having a male friend. I will only let her know the risk involved in having close friends of the other gender. I will convince her to see reasons why some certain actions are bad. I once read about a father who forbade his daughter from going close to the opposite gender. When the girl left home for further studies at the university, she saw it as a moment of freedom. She ended up being impregnated by her boyfriend. I, as a parent, will rather discuss the possible consequences of her actions with her than be draconian in controlling her.
A child can't be so good at eating moi-moi without staining his hand. As a result of this, when my child d? deviate from the right path, I will correct him by depriving him of what he loves. I can seize his bicycle for some days or stop taking him or her out for the time being. He or she will regret his actions and want the suspended privileges restored.
I have been teaching for the past 15 years. From my experience, there are some kids that would always get flogged or punished by almost all the teachers, while we have a few other students that never get punished or flogged for wrongdoings. If you investigate the later category, they are not used to being corrected at home with punishment. Therefore, they don't need to be punished in the school to do the right thing. My assumption may not be absolutely true, but to a large extent, I am convinced in it.
There are many ways to raise a child on the right path. As parents, we need to keep studying the uniqueness of each child and blending different techniques to get the best out of them. I don't believe in correction by punishment. With time, the child will get used to it and take it as normal.
Parenting is a craft. We keep learning from the process and amending our mistakes as parents.
