I was born into a catholic family and raised to be a catholic. Growing up, I was involved in church activities like Block Rosary, Legion of Mary and as I got older, I joined other organization in the church like the lectors and Young missionary association.
Doing all these things brought me joy, and my neighbors and I were actively involved and even held positions in our church groups. A Sunday never went by without me attending mass in the morning, then meetings in the evening.
My family always attended all the church programs and made sure I got baptized and received my first holy communion. I really believed in God and hearing testimonies of miracles only served to strengthen my faith, and all was well until September 2011.
I was just 13 and delighted that Saturday night because my father had promised I could enroll for the summer school lesson on Monday. As I sat in the living room watching a music video with my cousins, I heard my mother screaming. I rushed to find my dad struggling for his life. He couldn't breathe.
I stayed with him until he was rushed to the hospital, praying fervently. I kept on praying and crying. Not only that, but I applied an oil that I'd listened to testimonies of its wonders in church programs, but nothing happened. My Dad died that night and, unknowingly to me, I also lost my faith.
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I refused to go to church or listen to anything church related. I dropped out of all church activities and ran as far as I could because I couldn't understand why after my prayers and serving God he couldn't just give me that one miracle I needed the most. I had a lot of questions no one could answer.
Over the years, I stumbled blindly through life, angrily. Nothing seemed to be working out as I'd planned and even though I kept on having a recurring dream, I ignored it and kept on pushing God away. It took years, but one day I decided I was tired and had a talk with the big man. I finally obeyed, and the dreams stopped, and that was when I knew that God didn't abandon me after all.
To me, faith means letting go and believing. My faith journey is still not easy as it has been full of ups and downs. But the ups have definitely been more than the downs, and I just have this peace knowing that I have help and I don't have to carry all the burdens of life alone. Because I have a heavenly father who loves me more than I could ever have imagined, and I see it every day of my life.
Thank you for reading.