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If you want to laugh, come to Nigeria, enter any of the big intra-state commercial buses, those ones called molue in Lagos and then say this to yourself, but say it out loud so everyone can hear you "what is this country turning into, these days girls no longer wear bra, This world is turning into something else" or say something like "what kind of country is this, everything is just so expensive, life is so hard, how can we survive, the government is not even helping matters". After you say this, sit back, relax and watch how this little talk would evolve into a frenzied town hall meeting with different funny opinions, ideas and fake news flying around.
Every city or town has these places where fake news and gossips are generated, brooded and distributed. In these places, you hear about everything happening in the town and in the neighborhood. You get uncensored, unadulterated and unverified news. You get the latest news and you hear very ridiculous things. Such places are always filled with fun and humour. It's sort of a gossip hub where no one knows how exactly the information was gotten or who exactly got the news being discussed.
Different locations and towns have their own gossip/news hub. Often times you find that these places are in big commercial vehicles or in salons or even in bet shops. They're mostly in public places.
I have found these big commercial buses to be a major gossip/news hub in my city.
These big buses (molue ) are cheap and so they're mostly boarded by low income earners . They're also very much boarded by the elderly market people and street traders, most of which are not literate
These buses are often times very much overcrowded, so much that people do not find space to even stand. It's really a very funny and interesting place.
In this bus are all manner of people with the funniest of characters.
I board this bus whenever I'm coming back from work. In the bus you get to hear different ridiculous stories and news. I really do not know where this people get their news from as most times these informations aren't on any news platform, and even if they are, they would have been tweaked and misinterpreted tailored so much that they become ridiculous and unreasonable.
One time ago in this bus, a woman said the governor of the state is a woman beater. She said he beats his wife and nearly killed her. The news was very catchy and she sounded very confident so I listened as she spoke and described the scenario with so much clarity.
Later on, after she had finished talking, I then asked her how she got this information. she said she heard it somewhere, she said someone told someone that told her. I was really disappointed, I had to tell her that the information is false.
Sometime ago too, when our former president went on a health trip, people in this bus propagated stories of how he was dead, they even said several things about how he died and why he died. They always tell these lies very confidently and most times I can't help but laugh. One of the funniest things I've heard in this bus is a woman telling a child that the reason why his head is big is because he likes eating rice and stew
This bus doesn't just come with a free comedy session. It also comes with several other crazy packages.
The first of this other package is the terrible chemical weapon produced from an unwashed mouth. yes, a mouth odour. In this bus, the smell from people's mouth is terrible, it can drive you crazy. The fact that this bus is always overcrowded makes it almost impossible to avoid being served this pleasant stench. And the bus people makes things worse as they're always talking and arguing.
The other package is also one for the nose. It's body odour and smells from the armpits of standing passengers. Because of the fact that this bus is always overcrowded and people have to stand on the isle, they have to raise one of their hands to hold the bar on the car roof so as to maintain stability when the car is in motion, this allows the release of terrible chemical weapons from their armpits.
I always put on face mask whenever I'm in this bus , but it does little in stopping this weapon on mass destruction considering the fact that they come from several sources ( armpits) and are very powerful together.
Another crazy thing about this bus is the fact that you almost never come out same way you go in. It's either your shoe is ruined, your clothes are ruined or you're verbally abused. It is almost impossible to leave same way you came. Oftentimes everyone in the bus acts crazily as it's the only way to survive there. As soon as a passenger is entering you hear people saying "please watch, don't stain me o" but that doesn't change so much anyway. Because of how overcrowded this bus is, your shoe is definitely going to be ruined as people would definitely step on you mistakenly.
Like I said, the bus is boarded by anyone and everyone, sometimes a mentally retarded person may just be in the bus too. One days when you're unlucky, you may just sit close to a mechanic coming from their garage with their oil-stained clothes and most times, they end up staining your clothes too.
This vehicle is always a hub for verbal abuse. The passengers are always creative in the area of manufacturing funny ridiculous trolls. One time when a lady and guy were quarrelling in the bus, I couldn't stop laughing at the names they called each other, you get to hear funny names like - "Bombastic Idiot, flabbergasted flamingo, uncircumcised baboon".
The craziest time is always when people argue in the bus, they share themselves into factions and argue unreasonably. Often times, these arguments evolve into a verbal fight, with each faction cussing the other. The only time people in this bus agree and fight together is when someone farts and pollutes the air. Yes, if someone farts in this bus, everyone in the bus would come together and curse that person.
Although they wouldn't know who farted, they'll all rain curses and abuses on that person. The funniest part is that even the person who farted would join in cursing and abusing.
Another crazy thing is that, in this bus , you also find some crazy set of people who tries to predict and analyze the kind of food the person who farted must have eaten by just smelling the fart. Isn't that crazy ?. You hear something like " this person must have eaten boiled eggs and beans with a cup of creamed coffee" , another would object and say the fart is a product of poorly digested banana cake and yoghurts, and before you know it, another argument would start again.
If you want to experience this madness like I said when I started, visit Nigeria and join these big intra-state commercial buses. Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed this.
