When Oodie opened his eyes that morning, he stared deeply at the ceiling wondering. He was faced with the same thought that lingered in his head every night when a bad dream woke him up.
His dark and hot room was filled with trophies and awards he had won in school. Oodie was a grade A student, a pace setter and a consistent one. To him all the trophies simply meant one thing and that was the weight of all his shame. He rolled round facing the window, his tiny window that helped illuminate his shameful room.
Oodie felt so much shame, it was surprising because of all that he had achieved. To him all his trophies were just cover ups for all the shameful things he had done in the past. Despite winning the best student award three times in a role, Oodie never felt he was good enough for his dad.
"The fight for fulfillment or the competition to prove your worth is one you must win to succeed". His father had said to him when he was little.
All the shame that wayed Oodie down generated from so many places that he couldn't even remember. Whenever he woke up to that same bad dream in the dead of the night, his thoughts always pondered on his failure, shame and guilt, and nothing else. Oodie felt this way because he felt he would never be the beat like his father wanted so badly. He loved his father dearly. He took care of him after his mother passed away. Oodie's father was simply his role model, he looked up to him in everything.
In every other person's eyes Oodie was just a perfect and ambitious young man who Knew what he wanted in life. But in his tights he was simply a failure, he only tried to play along because he felt no one would be willing to know the True him. He felt otherwise in the past, but now he was convinced. He felt a little innocent in the past but now, but now he felt as black as charcoal.
That night Oodie closed his eyes and talked to his creator, he went through his subconscious mind. He prayed that all this toxic thoughts simply vanish and go away, he prayed that he would get better, more fulfilled and sure of himself, that he wouldn't feel lonely anymore. Above all he prayed for a life of less pretending. A life of truth. Tears rolled down his eyes, it made it heavy as he slowly drifted bact to sleep hoping and praying that he wouldn't have to pray the same prayer tomorrow night or next.
That thought made him smile to himself half asleep, because he knew life was just a Merry-go-round
