I Think I'll Meditate

in #hive-194848last year

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I lost my temper twice this weekend.

Oops I forgot... I haven't been meditating recently.

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I didn't explode or anything stupid.

I only had a moment of real irritation. Twice. But I don't like feeling this way at all. And I always regret it after people are exposed to it, even if it is only briefly.

So unnecessary, really.

Unless you need to growl because a person doesn't respect a kind word or two, or course! Then growling is allowed 👍

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I recently commented on some hippy, dippy oh-so-new-milleneal healing something or other's post that went something like:
 

"Kindness and compassion and gentleness and blah blah just take it on the chin and turn the other cheek and be happy."

 

My comment went summink like:
 

"Totally agree, unless you need to shake someone awake." with my usual cheeky grin, lolz, emoji face. Like this 👉 😆

 

They immediately went to my Recovery Business Page...
 

I'm closing it down in full because I just can't bring myself to make this skill "professional". But that's just me and people need help and other folks gotta eat. Also... I need some light and fluffy for a while, now, to counter the wtf just happened in the last almost five years. Balance, right?!

 
to check me out.

"Cause they know I'm right. Right?

But they are as well, so...

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My point is... again and again

it's not kind or compassionate to allow people to hurt you, other people or themselves.

For their own personal growth and/or "spiritual" journey. No consequences = no learning, see?

And yours.

But my point here also is...

there was no need for me to get all ratty and grumpy about putting the boundaries (that I needed to put down), down well that's a mouthful, innit? this weekend.

But you get the idea, I'm sure.

Also...

it's been scientifically proven that the tone a message is delivered in has more impact and is more meaningful than the message itself, you know.

I wish I'd known this back then, when I was doing all that activism-y ranting on social media. Ahem

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They say that nothing and nobody can make you feel anything unless you allow it. Attaining this particular super-power only comes, in my experience, through practising mindfulness practices.

Hard! I mean practising them is hard and not that they're hard to practice. Although they are, in the beginning, sometimes.

The thing is (and here's the thing)...

when you're doing these practices regularly and for enough time...

you start thinking that you're doing so well that you don't really need to do them anymore.

Oops, I did it again 🙄

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So some scientists have claimed that if I tell someone that they're an idiot in a kind tone of voice, they'll have a more positive experience than if I tell them that they're awesome in an angry tone of voice.

Interesting, huh?

True study but I can't find it now and it makes sense anyway, doesn't it? I did find this while I was looking for it, however, and this also looks super interesting.

But again... my kids say I'm a nerd so...

 


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Original Source and full article here

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There's a more serious study here, on the impact of aggressive / cold communication styles on kids if you're interested.

And here's the kicker...

these kids often end up with C-PTSD, PTSD and addiction problems later on in life...

and they re-enact their childhood family dysfunction as adults when they are triggered...

projecting the "abusive" / mentally unwell / addicted parent's personality on to partners and friends around them during a "flashback"...

and mimicking the "abusive" / mentally unwell / addicted parent's behaviour as well very often... in a subconscious attempt to "fix" (change the outcome of) the original traumatic situation.

Messy, huh?

Very destructive to everyone involved until someone wants to learn a new way and has the courage to step up and change themselves.

But we were talking about...

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Meditation and mindfulness practices.

Because as you can see...

even stressed parenting can, then, lead to C-PTSD in kids.

Yep. How you communicate (as it turns out) is more important, and has more impact, than what you communicate.

Did anyone say conscious relating classes?

Sign me up, Scotty!

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Oh... so who did I have a small rant at?

It was another someone that I tried to help, who then took it upon themselves to phone and message me a gazillion times a day and to totally ignore my patient, and repeated, explanations of what I can or can not do for them due to my own somewhat messed up situation, right now.

And my responsibilities as a parent first and foremost.

Apparently they are "going to die" if I don't send them more money and I'm their "mother" and only lifeline. This is an adult male, by the way.

No, they are not going to die if they take some sound suggestions (which they have totally ignored). But yes, they may die far too soon if they continue to ignore those suggestions.

Not much I can change there, then. Personal choice and freedom, after all. Also... you can take a horse to water and all that.

Does this sound harsh? It may do, but this is important to understand for anyone who wants to help another someone. Or who even cares about them, in fact. Truely.

Because if you are doing it because you genuinely care and not just for the clever public relations...

 



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...you could hurt yourself. And them as well.

Completely unintentionally.

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You need boundaries as solid as a solid steel brass plate, that's made of Steel instead of Brass, if you want to be involved in social/health service, I think.

Of any kind.

And now I know why Nurse Whatsername was such a hardcore bitch.

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Nurse Whatsername ran the inner city government hospital meltdown area, Groote Schuur Emergency Casualty, on a Saturday night in the Cape Town CBD.

I ended up there accidentally on my Matric Dance night, all dressed up with appendicitis, and was stuck there for three or so hours while we tried to find my dad. He was out partying and being my dad.
 

And the conversation that ensued when we finally did find him was far more fun than that stupid Matric Dance ever would've been.

p.s. Private Medical won't give you free drugs if you aren't sick, no matter how hard you try to charm the panties off the Nurses. I personally don't see the point then, either.

p.p.s Yes he was only kidding. Of course!

p.p.s But if they'd thrown some his way he prolly would've taken them just to see what happened next.

p.p.p.s If you're one of my kids, and you find this, you would've loved him. And don't do drugs! Drugs are bad (and stupid)... Mmmkay? And yes alcohol is a (one of the worst) drugs.

 

But before I got swished off to a fancy private medical facility by my hero, Nurse Whatsername and I did some Battle.

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Nurse Whatersname and I fought about me not sneaking off to the toilets to smoke cigarettes (I met some ladies of the night who were doing the same and they were pretty cool), while I waited my turn.

We also bickered about my refusal to sign the form, to be admitted to Groote Schuur, to have my appendix chopped out. Yes I was eighteen, I agreed. Nope. Not gonna do that right now, thanks.

She must've thought I was such a spoiled liddle shit. And I was.

Respect, sister W.

🖖 And yes. Of course I remember her name. She was scary as all get out! And powerful as f*ck!

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Off topic...

I was talking about boundaries.

Especially if you're a citizen of the planet who doesn't walk on by.

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So let's remove the emotion so we can see if we need to set any and we aren't triggered ourselves.

And you gotta remove emotion when you do this kind of service - or get totally messed up and/or depressed. Learned from the school of... eh... you get the drift.

.... person who is going to die if I don't help them; crying wailing emoji repeated 4 plus times each message; messages with my patient explanations on what I am and am not able to do right now, and info on who could actually help them.

No mention or concern that I'm also sick while I'm trying to help him, trying to be present for my child, also struggling and trying to rebuild with all I got right now.

Nothing. Nada. Zip. No concern whatsoever at all.

Not even one question or an "oh no that sucks eggs".

 

Red flag number 1 - shows lack of empathy.

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So this made me wonder:

 

  1. Either the person spamming me didn't give a toss about my personal situation / didn't bother reading my messages and is, thus, more on the less empathetic (sociopathic) scale (usually takers and con artists)

  2. Or they were actually about to die and were panic stricken

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Now...
 

  1. I've gone hungry for some days and you don't die in one day.

  2. The places that are set up to actually help people in these situations had not been approached after I'd shared the info with said person, so the situation couldn't have been that desperate.

  3. Where were they getting all the mobile data from?! I couldn't afford mobile data when I was hungry. It's pretty expensive in South Africa.

  4. If the person genuinely is homeless now, there is a good chance they'll die on the streets of Cape Town unless they get to a shelter and get help asap.

Yes. This has happened before.

 

So get to a shelter... which they won't bother doing if I continue to help them. And which, realistically ("emotional sobriety" is a thing too), I am unable to do right now without causing harm to myself and, by rote then, my child.

Sorry, not sorry. My son has been through enough. Nobody's about to rattle his boat in any fucking way. Just to be clear.

I only wish I'd been able to make this connection earlier...

but back then I was rescuing all the wrong people for all the wrong reasons.

Although putting down boundaries can be a tough move, it really protects all parties involved.

Especially the most vulnerable ones.

 

So not a difficult decision then, is it really?

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I sent my second and final donation, that I shouldn't and can't afford anyway, to The Ark. I then sent the now spammer or actually about to die person the POP...

and told them to go to The Ark for help.

Because that is what those people do. And that is what those people are trained and know how to do, without accidentally hurting themselves or other people.

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I told him to go there and tell them I'd paid for food and shelter for a few days.

Worse case scenario is the funds are used for someone else who needs them, right? And I know The Ark do good work. I've seen them do good work. For free. For another person who had nowhere to go.

But the person then started moaning they don't have transport money to get there. Sending The Ark the money didn't help them right now, they said.

Okay. Question answered.

Said person would walk there, and not die on the street, if they were serious about getting help.

Right?

It's their choice ultimately.

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Does this seem harsh?

Yes. The world is harsh. And some people are as well. And people who care are easy targets always. Should we stop trying to help then? Well that won't help anything. Perhaps we just need to skill up on how to help a bit more safely.

Speaking of which... I'm twenty years older than him and I've walked nine kilometres, to a chemist on a hot day, with some form of Lyme's disease and COPD on top of it. I know he could have walked to the nearest shelter.

And to The Ark itself.

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I could've been less annoyed though.

I think I'll pick up meditating again today.

It didn't seem to affect my "karma", my "reap what you sow" or whatever, however.

My card didn't work (again) when I ran down to the cafe to buy some biscuits for my son's school lunch later that afternoon. An elderly Afrikaans man stepped forward and paid the bill. He then refused to give me his details to pay him back. No school like old school, huh? Again. As we should be. As we used to be.

Of course...

I've already started asking around The Village to see where I can send some cookies or cup-cakes to thank him.

It's a small village after all.

I walked back home under a setting sun, shaking my head and muttering in wonder:

"Could it actually be that quick now?"

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What goes around comes around: by Carmen Cordova and original source

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Happy #MIndfulMonday

Please don't forget to play today.

❤️

 

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Eternal Seeker
Hardened Dreamer
Mother
Peaceful Warrior
Determined Dancer
and Stargazer

still...

Beyond fear is freedom

And there is nothing to be afraid of.

To Life, with Love... and always for Truth!
Nicky Dee

www.mettame.art

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All images not directly sourced my own. All photo editing done with GIMP.

 

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They don't dig into you, and get angry because you are right but because you dare to disturb their dream and make them lose their temper.

You made me laugh, thanks for that.
Greetings @wakeupkitty

Greetings, @wakeupkitty :)

That's the same for us all, innit? 😆

I know, now, that when I get all pissed off I probably need to check myself and ask why. But hey... it depends how sleepy I am so ❤️

Poke me if I fall asleep, please!

Have a beautiful day and thanks for saying hello. 🌱

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it's been scientifically proven that the tone a message is delivered in has more impact and is more meaningful than the message itself, you know.

I think I agree with you on this, I didn't even know it was already scientifically proven. Our tone in delivering a message is very vital, to determine the extent of its effectiveness.

Yep!

It's such a great skill and we don't really this stuff. Worth skilling up on for sure.

If you haven't heard of the PolyVagal theory (some more of the science behind this) it's very worth a bit of research :)

Thank you for saying hello!

I will look it up.
You're welcome.

Forgiving and forgetting works like medicine.
Just train yourself to do it always.Sometimes it takes swallowing one's bride which won't harm because I have never had anybody being gagged by doing it.

Hello!

Totally agree. Forgiving really helps the person forgiving more than anyone else.

But I reckon anger is a valid and necessary emotion (there to show us we need to act - usually to protect ourselves).

But holding onto anger = resentment has been linked to depression. Interesting, huh?

And I think this also manifests physically in physical illnesses. Like cancer etc.

As far as forgetting. I strongly disagree :)

If someone has intentionally been harmful it would be somewhat foolish to "forget". And in my experience repressing memories and emotions lead to mental health and addiction problems.

Thanks for saying hello and opening up the conversation. I'd love to hear more from you!

Maybe I'm insensitive, but I don't think that was even remotely harsh, my dear. I think there's people who'll take, take, take, until they leave you stripped and barely alive. Physically, emotionally, what have you. I don't know this person, obviously, so wouldn't go as far as to call them anything, but it's 100% up to them if they see your gift for what it is, a kindness unpromised, or if they act entitled, and maybe make you regret that kindness.
It's also up to you 100% to react accordingly. :D

it's not kind or compassionate to allow people to hurt you, other people or themselves.

That "themselves" got my brain going ding-ding-ding. Been thinking about this. How do you wake someone up? Isn't it one's duty to tell if they see something wrong going on? Probably. For now, I'm aware there's a tendency in me to latch onto other people's faults, to conveniently shrug off my own, so I've decided I'll be focusing on me for a while. Healing. And helping, as I can, through that. But I think healing, meditating, staying on your journey can help others around you by default. Maybe. I wanna think it anyway.

Bah, I don't know. As ever, you are beautiful. Thoughtprovocative (I know it's provoking, but this is how my brain was wording it just now for some reason, and I thought it suits you) <3

That "themselves" got my brain going ding-ding-ding. Been thinking about this. How do you wake someone up? Isn't it one's duty to tell if they see something wrong going on? Probably. For now, I'm aware there's a tendency in me to latch onto other people's faults, to conveniently shrug off my own, so I've decided I'll be focusing on me for a while. Healing. And helping, as I can, through that. But I think healing, meditating, staying on your journey can help others around you by default. Maybe. I wanna think it anyway.

You're right, dear human. Of course! :)

My thoughts (open to change as I learn - always!)

Yes. I think it is our responsibility to act in defence of harm to ourselves and others. And only then! I honestly believe there is some kind of "balance" in "the universe" or "gods and goddesses" or whatever you want to call it. And we are "bound" to act in "truth" to stay on the right path if you will.

If we want to live peaceful harmonious lives :) Any less and we struggle personally because we create / perpetuate "karma" or "dysfunction and trauma (more psychological and scientific) or "sankaras" or whatever you want to call humans struggles (same same and many words for the same thing depending on what perspective you're coming from :D )

It's that knowing what is "right action" isn't really as simple as you'd think! Because only human and human ego - tricky and sneaky!

I reckon this is why we all should have "masters" or guides (even psychiatrists and psychologists are supposed to be in therapy to keep them in check professionally but few bother!) who are further along the journey or more objective to keep us in check!

But absolutely yes! If a person wants to heal and progress individually. Physically, mentally, emotionally and especially spiritually! All those amazing books have their own suggestions on "right" action by the way. No point in reading it and not applying it ;) I guess that's the same with any skill or practice, innit?

In fact... I'd go as far as to stay taking action in defence of truth is the only way anyone can achieve all of the above.

p.s. I don't think we even have to know what "truth" is. Taking action will show us, you see. It does. Over time. Because when we take action there are consequences and these lead us into new understanding of things. It can't not.

Damn phone. I keep opening replies/posts, then I think "oh this is too long for the phone, I'll check it out on the laptop later", and completely forget about it xD you'd think I'd learn to stop opening them. so sorry about the late reply.

And we are "bound" to act in "truth" to stay on the right path if you will.

I really like that.

It's that knowing what is "right action" isn't really as simple as you'd think!

Yeah, I keep encountering that. Every day, I'm learning more, as you said, and trying to find the limit between good intentions and my own codependence/need for confirmation/coping whatever, when giving advice ;)
I saw this thing online, how maybe people telling you their story are only looking for your vibe, not your lecture sometimes. It resonated. I'm still working on integrating that, though.

(even psychiatrists and psychologists are supposed to be in therapy to keep them in check professionally but few bother!)

I just finished a book that said that xD And that you should ask potential therapists about that. It was funny, cause I'd reached out to someone the night before, and I was like "you kidding? I could barely work up the courage for a hello". But you know, baby steps.

Because when we take action there are consequences and these lead us into new understanding of things. It can't not.

See, I wanna think that, but I see so many obtuse people, wilfully making the same mistake over and again, and seemingly stuck in their current lives. When are they learning the consequences? Not my business, I know. Right now, I'm talking a lot about other people to mask the inner process, but on the inside, I'm very me-focused atm.

:)

Eh... you're not obtuse or unconscious. I wouldn't worry about that too much.

Hell yeah check that your therapist is working their own process and accountable before you let them into your brain!

p.s. you're awesome in case someone didn't tell you that today.

I really do think he was a scammer.
One who doesn't want to due would try to escape death I think.

I've given you a manner of ways of how to help yourself...

I feel it's in your best interest to go to the Ark (lovely name for a shelter agency btw) and go get a meal.
Insensitivity is a lovely gift sometimes....

"Bad people no dey suffer...."

A sometimes weirdly true saying...

Who knows for sure?

What I do know is that I can't save anyone. We all have to do that for ourselves.

And I also know that by cushioning people from their situation for too long... I can accidentally prevent them from taking action and responsibility to change their circumstances.

This seemed the safest solution for all of us. ❤️

I wish I'd known this back then, when I was doing all that activism-y ranting on social media. Ahem

Bahaha

An elderly Afrikaans man stepped forward and paid the bill. He then refused to give me his details to pay him back.

YES!!! It's not all assholes and trolls.

Meditation is a minute by minute practice. Every minute, for the rest of one's life, just in case you forget, and unfurl spectacularly in assholery.

😂

Training, training, sister! I'll get back on it today :)

And yes. Balance is important apparently! Ahem

But still... and I keep saying this so must write that post because I think folks are misunderstanding me... I've been watching the Baboons around here and we aren't that different you know. Sometimes we need to have a skirmish to figure out where to sit for a while ❤️

p.s. There's an old beat up Landy going cheap! If you were around you'd prolly be able to get it up and going for some adventures. I wonder what import duties are into Aussie? And the States (big market for these projects up there it seems).

There are some really epic vintage cars around here for sale. Daddy, I want a pony car! Although, truly, I'd still rather have a pony, really!

But now to make some money.

In between the meditation. Of course!

oH IT'S SUPER expensive to get a car here! It's less going into the UK though. Especially with an old car, we only pay like 5 percent vat then don't have to get it MOT'd or taxed or anything. Just gotta get plates.

What is the old landie of which you speak? Photos please!

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Thanks, angel

Sending love and have a happy day 💛

You're welcome @nickydee! Have a nice day 😊👍🌹