'I don't like that Francess girl. Can you believe she was eyeing me?'
Dear ladies of the Hive Community, the Francess they do not like has come to share her experience on how they later came to like her.
I'm in a love and hate relationship with my eyes. I love my eyes cause without them, I can't appreciate the beauty of things around me, I can't navigate my way around me (I still need my glasses to achieve those two things completely). I also love my eyes because they're pretty. But I sometimes hate my eyes cause with them, I can't harbour any thoughts of irritation or disinterest in my mind for as long as few minutes. They are faster than my mouth. So, I either push any disapproving thoughts back down as quickly as they come and wait for a perfect time to voice it out or destroy any thoughts or interest one has in conversing with me.
The statement above. Although I do not remember the cause of it, I do remember hearing when she said it. And when I later got to ask the maker, she said she was doing her thing and I had this disdainful look on my face.
Now, the issue of my eyes doing whatever they like and choosing who they want to leer at is something I struggled with from childhood. I didn't need to voice out my anger or disinterest or apathy towards something. My eyes already said everything A large number of people complained about how they've caught me looking at them in rude manners but I always thought I couldn't help it till I found out I could.
To engage in a quality conversation and strengthen relationships, two or more individuals must be involved. Two willing and interested individuals. One must be willing to give and the other must be willing to take. I say this because two givers cannot work. The relationship will lack balance. There has to be a taker. One who listens to everything the other has to say. One who is willing to give the other a chance to be whoever they want to be around them and accept them for who they are and who they choose to be.
If there's something that has helped me in so many of my current relationships, it is being able to let others voice out their opinions around me. I might have views that counter what the person has to say, but instead of letting my eyes do the job before my mouth does it, I push it to the back of my mind and wait for the perfect time to bring it up. This is one thing I found hard to do back then. I was very hotheaded. So, when I meet a fellow hot-headed person that isn't willing to take, whatever we were meant to have is in shambles.
Also, to foster a quality conversation, both parties need to share similarities. They must have something in common. They must share interests. Two conflicting parties cannot have a healthy conversation. So, both parties must have a topic that they share similar views on and have knowledge about. This will not only give them something to talk about but will also help develop some sort of understanding between them both.
And there's one other thing. This has really helped me a lot. It is flexibility. It is accepting people's opinions, however they seem. I've come across a lot of situations where the former Francess wouldn't hesitate to block out everything else you have to say just because you made a stupid statement but I don't know why all of a sudden, I began practicing one of the numerous advices my mom always gave us when I and my siblings were younger. She'll always tell me 'Oluchi, learn to filter out what people say'. If you had something to tell me and you don't phrase it rightly, that's the end of whatever you were telling me. I don't even wait to listen or if I eventually do, my eyes will do the rest. When I heeded those my mom's words, when someone says something or brings up a topic that I have negative views on and I am flexible enough to accept and view things from that person's point of view, I realized that I actually have been missing out a lot on so much. One has to be non-judgemental, flexible, welcoming and open-minded to promote a healthy relationship.
You can't expect to have a good conversation with someone and you have written off that person and whatever he or she has to say as irrelevant. No relationship works that way.
So, these techniques have actually helped me in my relationships overtime and I'm glad to have imbibed them into my current lifestyle.
By the way, I am now very close to the person who made that statement at first. She's actually one of the best people in the world to me.
Thanks for reading.
All images above were taken by me.
