Making friends can be easy. Share a common ground and interact in good faith overtime, and one may call someone a friend. Nurturing that relationship is where the work lies for its longevity and fruitfulness. But it's different with different people, and sometimes feels not so simple when ai factor everything that's going on in my life alone.
Things like birthdays, for example, I'd ponder on the perfect gift for someone dear, only to come back to cash gifts. While that's something anyway, it usually is not as heartfelt as something thoughtful and personal. Relationships aren't centred on such, however.
Conversations. That's what I think relationships are based on. And conversations aren't just verbal, as I like to see it. It's the relations we have with people, and it includes service. Without service to someone other than oneself, well, that's a hell of a connection to have.
Rather than wait for just one special day to express my appreciation for a person and how much value the relationship I have with them, there are usually subtle things I can do on other days and simply ways.
It could be anything. Acts of kindness—no matter how little they may seem—being present or just showing up. Or maybe even random givings. Depending on the circumstance, what rings in my head is, "Here and now, what could I do in service to this relationship?" Might not be quite literal, but that's the idea anyway. These little things...
A neighbor I had only recently become acquainted with game me a cup of parfait on my birthday some years ago. I wondered if she knew I had never had one, but she said she only thought to get it for me, and that was all. I was surprised, but I felt thought of, and it was nice. Knowing what it means to be thought of, it's something I try to do for people around me. That's one way to connect, as I like to think of it. By the way, this neighbor and I grew to become super tight and really good friends, and we've remained so.
Gift of service. Can I say that? I think that's something really underrated. I figured that there are things I know—things I can do—that some of my friends don't even care about, let alone know how to do. Electrical works, for example. To me, it's kind of like second nature. Everything electrical at home, Jay's in charge. Moving on, though...
A friend of mine had a problem with their electrical extension box. All it needed was a simple plug replacement. They didn't know how to do it, and so they'd borrow their roommate's extension box whenever they needed one. On my way back someday, I bought a replacement and then fixed it for them. That meant something to them.
Interestingly, they were also like that for me in other ways. In essence, it was a two-way street. Unsurprisingly, we grew close with time—not just because of electrical problems, of course—so much so that I couldn't have missed their wedding for the world.
Being intentional. Relationships aren't automatic. You have to fuel it, and it could even be with the little things. "Here and now, how could I connect?" Such a lifestyle is what I'm actively conscious of... even if it is a 2 AM incoming call from a friend in need, although they already know I am a serious dreamlander.
Images in this post are mine
