Wherever you go, there you are

You know that idea that when you move into a new city, start a new relationship, or perhaps get a new job, it will fix certain problems? The thinking that it's a fresh start... Very relatable, and it does sound like it makes a lot of sense. The reality is just that, wherever you go, you take yourself with you. A fresh, new look—an inward-facing one—could yield the needed "change."

Before we moved into our own house, I used to share a room with my brother. Back when we were much younger then, our room would get meesy often. In my brother's eyes, I was the biggest reason why. There was some truth to it, but I rather mostly blamed him like he was me. In his words, "When I have my own room, it'll be perfect." I, on the other hand, just wanted to start a new life when I have mine. Well, the time finally came, and we learned something new.

Much bigger, fancier, and equipped with bathrooms—our new rooms were more than we hoped for. And we weren't sharing spaces at all. As usual, we set it up nice and clean, and for a few days, we felt like new beings. Not long enough, our rooms began to look like the ones we used to share before. In different ways, though, we rooms would get messy occasionally. That "new room, new me" magic had run out.

Rather than figure out who truly was to blame before, we learned that we had certain habits that played their roles in our messiness, and regardless of where we went, we took them with us. Perhaps this fits with your experience in some aspects of your life and you relate.

A similar thing happened when I got my first job. I thought I'd feel less lonely and depressed, considering that I'd be busy and all, but I was so wrong. My mind and body would indeed be caught up in all of work during the day, but I'd often spend the rest of the day, the nights, feeling the exact same way. Fast forward to several months of denial... I vanished. I became a shadow of myself.

It took self-reflection and honest conversations with myself to be more mindful of my habits, mindset, and fears to begin to make progress. I'm confident you would smile at my cozy room—unless you catch me when I'm running late to work—and more than ever am I now self-aware. And it's a journey rather than a destination.

Wherever you go, there you are. That's just the reality. If you think starting a new relationship and spending emotions and time—priceless resources—on a new individual in your life will actually solve those deep-seated issues in your heart... I hate to break it to you; you may instead be bringing your problems onto an innocent individual. You take you wherever you go.

There are relationships that could help one become a better person, of course. The idea here is, thinking a "quick switch" just automatically resets things. Sorry, you don't respawn like a game character. Be proactive and mindful of your internal signals.