Avoiding Toxic Arguments

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There was this guy in my compound during my degree studies in school and everyone knew him to be one who would argue to the extent that it turned into a misunderstanding, all because he wasn't ready and willing to let go of his claim even when he was wrong and wasn't ready to surrender and understand someone's point of view. He doesn't understand that every individual is different and we can not think the same way. A topic can be seen differently depending on how our experiences relate to it and instead of agreeing with their views, he would want them to accept his.

I got into different arguments with him and I realized I was only wasting my time prolonging issues with him because no matter how true my point was, he would never accept it unless I agreed with his point of view. This is more like someone not wanting to learn from others but thinking he has seen life more than them. So, anytime there is an argument coming up, I just excuse myself to avoid any issues.

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Most people believe whatever they say is the right thing and anything else is wrong as far as they are concerned. Everyone has different ways they relate to an issue and when as someone, you cannot be ready to listen to hear other people out and compare to yours, in a bid to learn too, then what is the use of arguing?

Just like in a debate session where two people come together to agree on or against a particular topic, facts must have been collated and checked, and then in the end, everyone goes home learning from each other. Even in the wrong, there is something to learn from it. No one is an island of knowledge.

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Arguments can come in two ways, either constructively or destructively.

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When it comes to constructive arguments, it leads to healthy discussions and debates. This is when people table a matter in each other's viewpoints and every word is weighed and compared, this leads to them learning from their angles and accepting their points without any misunderstanding coming up.

Constructive argument fosters critical thinking and both parties come together to find solutions to problems. A topic could be brought and they try to sit down to think on how to go about it, bring different ideas, agree together and work towards achieving a better result, not that one party would canter the other thinking he or she knows better than the other. They say, two heads are better than one, right?

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When it comes to destructive arguments, just like the guy, it leads to disagreement and misunderstanding because no one is willing to hear the other person out. They feel they are better and more intelligent than the others. Though one party would surrender to the other person's idea, it still wouldn't make him or her happy.

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It can lead to resentment and damaged relationships thereby hurting the other person's feelings when it has turned into a heated argument. This happens when one is not ready to accept the other person's idea but his or her own and in the end, it turns into a big fight which would destroy lots of things.

There was the case of two female friends who had been together for years in school. We never knew what transpired but when they brought their argument to the third friend who lived with us in the same compound, the issue got heated up, both ladies went into a fight where they tore each other's clothes, started spilling out their secrets that shouldn't be said out but it was too late as words spoken out in an anger mode cannot be retrieved back.

That led to the end of their relationship. All because of an argument that was supposed to be settled amicably among themselves but none of them was ready to accept or let go.

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This is why one must be careful who they are arguing with because they can be like that guy who never accepts his correction, and anger could burst out in the process making things worse than expected.

When it comes to arguments, people should come together to learn from each other and not cause misunderstanding because we need to understand that two people can never reason the same way and that is why we have individual differences amongst us in which the purpose is to share and learn from our experiences.

So, when you find yourself in such a situation or environment, the best thing is to stay calm and composed. Listen attentively and be ready to understand the other person's perceptive. Don't jump to conclusions without having your facts vetted. Be careful and avoid personal attacks but focus on the issue you are addressing at that moment. No one is there to judge others based on their lifestyle or the mistakes they have made.

Finally, seek common ground and compromise if need be to avoid misunderstanding, and let peace reign while both parties walk away with lots of things learnt from each other.