While growing up, I had the privilege of having a good relationship with my dad, and that contributed to who I am today. His words of advice always ring in my head, even though I no longer leave with my parents as much as I did while growing up. There is a proverb in my tribe that I will try my best to translate to the simplest English terms. It says "adake ja, a mo teni tin se," which means "a silent person who is mute during a fight, it will be very difficult to tell what's going on in such a person's mind." And this is so true, although many people used this proverb in the wrong situation, and I once did that too, but I was glad I did so at the time because it made me wiser and made me realize how humans are created with their own uniqueness.
It is good when people don't know what you have in mind to say; that will even make them scared of you because they don't know your mind. That will always make them confuse and respect you because of the unknown. This prompt made me remember a scenario where I used silence as a weapon, and that works for me like magic.
My father always tells me that in any situation I find myself in, I shouldn't always be the first to talk; if possible, I should talk last. You might be wondering why? I asked him the same question, and he said, "Being the last to talk gives you the privilege to know what each of the earlier speakers has in mind, and after they've all spoken, pick one or two from them each, add it to yours, and see their reactions." I didn't understand him then, but as I grew older, I came to understand that it's a wise thing to do.
A few years ago, I had an experience with a cheating partner, and it came as a shock and at an unexpected time. It happened when I visited without prior notice. I met another lady that came for the weekend, who I learned had been around since Wednesday. At that moment, when I got there and a lady opened the door with her shorts on, I wanted to get angry; I wanted to shout and cause a scene, but instead I smiled and asked about my then-partner's whereabouts.
"He went out to get something, and who are you so that I can relay your message to him when he is back because he is not with his phone?" said Bisi (real name withheld).
All I could do was smile because I couldn't imagine seeing myself in such a situation at that time. "Nevermind, ma, I will wait for him," I replied.
"Okay, then, no problem," Bisi replied.
After a few minutes, Paul (real name withheld) came back from wherever he went, and he was so shocked to see me. If he had the chance, he would run back, but unfortunately, that was too late.
"Hey babe, how is the weekend going? You kept me waiting," I said with a smile.
He began to stutter, as he wasn't expecting me to come without calling him to know if he was home or not. At that point, I was waiting for defensive words, and that seemed locked up because the new girlfriend came out of the room to listen to our conversations.
"You won't introduce me to your friend. You know I would have done that before you came," Bisi said with a smile.
He was struggling to find the right words, and I kept my cool, smiling as if nothing was wrong, but deep down inside of me, I was boiling with rage, but I didn't show it, and that confused him because he knew me not to be such a cool person. Why then am I so gentle and quiet? If it had been before, I would have caused a terrible scene right there.
"I don't know why he became a stammerer suddenly; anyway, I'm Bisi, Paul's girlfriend, and we met recently.
"Oh! Wow, I'm his friend, a close one. I came to the neighborhood and decided to check on him," I replied.
At that point, he was scared to death; it was written all over him. I guess he was expecting me to say I'm his girlfriend, but I didn't, and all he could do was open his mouth and look at me.
"Mama, you are beautiful; my friend sure made the right choice; you said you met recently; that must be a few months ago, right? We have been believing God for him, and finally, here you are," I said with a smile.
"Ermm, Oyin, you didn't go to work today", Paul asked. I guess he finally gathered his courage to speak to me.
"We've been together for two months now," Bisi caught in.
Ah! Wow, that's awesome, and Paul, I didn't go to work," I replied with a smile.
"Anyways, let me leave you guys to enjoy your weekend, Bisi baby. See you next time and take care of my friend," I said as I stood up to leave.
"Let me see you off," Paul said, quickly following as I exited.
"Babe, please talk; I'm not comfortable with this smile and silence. Just say something, curse me, insult me, hit me, but don't keep quiet, please," Paul said.
At that point, what he said was funny to me, even though I was angry. I couldn't help but laugh, and all I could say was "enjoy," so I got on a motorcycle and left.
Throughout that day, he was calling non-stop, and I didn't even act like anything was wrong. I was picking up his calls every time he called, and he kept asking me to talk about the issue, which I didn't want to. During that time, my silence was beneficial to me; it helped me make up my mind to move on and forget the cheating partner, which I did, though it was a bit of a of a difficult process. My silence gave him a restless mind, as he doesn't know what I have in mind for him. We were on good terms, which made him believe I have forgiven him and let go, and we can continue with the relationship until I break the news that I am not interested in him anymore. At that time, I loved what I did. I was proud of myself for being able to keep my calm and just move on, not trying to fight for what wasn't worth it. To me, it was good riddance.
Thanks for your time, and your comments will be appreciated.
