So many tings dat get mi angry and
So many tings dat get mi mad
So many tings dat get mi angry and
I gotta say
So many tings dat get mi angry and
So many tings dat get mi mad
So many tings dat get mi angry and
I gotta say..
Last week, I got mock angry with my husband. I mean, how many times can you hang a towel over the door instead of the hook and be asked not to and still do it? Let alone brushing your teeth too close to the bench so I have to wipe toothpaste it off it every day. 'Babe', he said. 'how many times do I have to pick your wet towels off the floor?'. So this week we've been very good at putting towels in the right spots, according to each other's whims. Anger at trivial things doesn't last long in our household. Our marriage is one of compromise and humour.
I'm not really an angry person.
Except I am.
Just try dealing with me when I'm outraged.
To me it's all connected to a deep sense of believing the world should be a just place.
But it's not. Most of us learn this the hard way. For me it was being bullied at school, a fact that still makes me feel a little queasy and anxious to this day. A few years back I had EMDSR therapy for it which helped enormously. It helped me go back to that time and identify exactly how I felt. It was a shock to me that what I felt was a deep, boiling, outraged anger. I had no idea. But as the therapist said, anger unexpressed often turns into frustration and anxiety and depression.
What I get really outraged about these days are bigger things than how to pack cutlery in the dishwasher or taking your shoes off when you walk in the house. As I write this post, I think how intrinsically linked these triggers are to bullying. It's when other living beings are taken advantage of, oppressed, brutalised, downtrodden, abused and not allowed to become their true selves.
And that can be anything.
It can be the 1 percent taking all for themselves whilst people starve. It can be men beating their wives. It can be governments oppressing their people. Banks taking exhorbirant fees and big institutions not paying taxes whilst we all work our fingers to the bone. Being fined and taxed for almost breathing these days. Monocultures and people trafficking and trolls and prejudice.
It's hard to name one thing that makes me angry, dear @ladiesofhive.
And anger festers, especially if it's not allowed to go anywhere, and you can't affect change just by being mad.
Not everyone's the kind husband hanging the towels right because it upsets you.
The only person that can do anything about sensations of anger - the tightening chest, the racing heart, the reddened face, the clenched hands - is me.
So where do I start?
Thing is, if I'm continuously trapped in these angry, outraged moments, I just create deep unhappiness for myself. I know someone like this - she's always so angry and ill and never happy. She doesn't feel she can rest until people stop behaving as they do. Most of the time she's terribly unhappy.
She's trying to change the world.
Anger can be a fantastic driver of change. It's not always a negative emotion. Respect for those who fight for the rights of others, that use their anger to create positive action in the world.
But if you can't affect change, or are not in the position to, what then?
I guess what I do is turn to the wisdoms I know to be true, like the importance of connecting with joy, love, beauty - all of which are present in nature, and thus in all of us, and the entire world. I look for reasons for people's behaviour and practice responding with compassion, as well practising self compassion.
It's hard work.
I wait for the sensations to calm down, trying not to identify with them. When you identify with a feeling, it tends to turn to stone and you carry it around with you. I put my hands on my heart and close my eyes and say: 'there, there, I recognise your feelings and it's okay to feel them, they're coming from a good place'.
And then I try to let it go. I know how damaging it can be to react in negative ways from a place of anger - whether it's self medicating, violence, suppressing, or trying to make others feel the same way to make yourself feel better. It's much better to feel it, recognise it, look deep into it's eyes and then let it pass.
“An emotion like anger that's an automatic response lasts just ninety seconds from the moment it's triggered until it runs its course. One and a half minutes, that's all. When it lasts any longer, which it usually does, it's because we've chosen to rekindle it.”
― Pema Chodron
Perhaps these actions are tiny ripples in a huge angry sea of humanity, whipped up by the storm of what it's doing to itself with corruption, greed, numbness, lack of compassion, self-centreness, ignorance and the trauma that's caused it all.
But what if we all were taught to respond in such a way?
“Aware of the suffering caused by unmindful speech and failure to listen, I am committed to cultivating loving speech and compassionate listening to relieve suffering and promote reconciliation and peace in myself and among other people, ethnic and religious groups, and nations. Knowing that words can create happiness or suffering, I am committed to speaking truthfully using words that inspire confidence, joy, and hope. I am determined not to speak when anger manifests in me. I will practice mindful breathing and walking to recognize and look deeply into my anger. I know that the roots of anger can be found in my wrong perceptions and lack of understanding of the suffering in myself and the other person. I will speak and listen in such a way as to help myself and the other person to transform suffering and see the way out of difficult situations. I am determined not to spread news that I do not know to be certain and not to utter words that can cause division or discord. I will practice diligently with joy and skillfulness so as to nourish my capacity for understanding, love, and inclusiveness, gradually transforming the anger, violence, and fear that lie deep in my consciousness.”
― Thích Nhất Hạnh, Fear: Essential Wisdom for Getting Through the Storm
Maybe the world would be a different place.
This post was written in response to the prompt this week set by Ladies of Hive: 'We all have a different boiling point, some of us are easily angered, others are really cool tempered. Kindly share one thing that makes you angry, how long do you stay mad, and what or who can pacify you.'. I know it seems like I listed a few things but 'injustice' is really the root one of all of these!
With Love,
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