The inspiration to write this blog came to me while I was reading @gentleshaid's post: Sex is not a prophylaxis against prostate cancer. This particular paragraph from his writing actually captured my attention:
I once had a rather funny experience involving my neighbor. The wife was complaining that the husband wanted to be having sex every day of the week and she had no strength for such an appetite. The husband, on the other hand, said it is imperative that he has sex as often as possible because it serves as prophylaxis against prostate cancer
@gentleshaid scientifically disproved the soundness of the husband's reasoning in his post and I quite agree with his submission. However, what caught my attention was the fact that this family had enough courage to discuss their sexual challenge with their neighbor- @gentleshaid.
Believe you me sincerely, there are many families who are suffering silently from matters arising from sexual challenges such as the one mentioned in @gentleshaid's post and the only reason for such suffering lies is the fact that they shroud their sexual challenges in secrecy- They won't discuss it with anyone not even a counsellor or therapist.
The major reasons why people keep this type of secret is because of shame, fear of rejection and judgment by others.
Think of the many rape and other sexually abused victims who lack the courage to open up to others about their molestation and will not press any charge against the perpetrator of the crime just to save their faces.
A colleague of mine in my former place of work, shared with me and others at the beginning of this year, the case of a first year student in her class whom she observed to be unusually withdrawn, moody and silent. She suspected she was depressed and probed her for this sudden change in her behavior.
The student, a lady, opened up to her lecturer that a young man was threatening her with cultist attack if she continues to deny him sex or discuss the matter with anyone. And so, she had not discussed the matter with her parents, security personnel or anyone in the position to bail her out of her predicament.
My colleague's swift intervention saved this lady from depression and some other untoward consequences that could have resulted from her silence.
Kunle Afolayan in his famous movie titled 'October 1st' documented a historic case of a young man who was sexually abused on a daily basis during what was supposed to be a prayer time by a priest in charge of the school where his village people sent him for western education.
The young man himself became abusive as a result and upon returning to his village after the completion of his education, he defiled the village virgins sexually and killed them to keep it a secret just like the priest did to him while he was in school.
It took a serious intelligence gathering by the government of the day to unravel the incessant but mysterious death of the villagers and to save the village from the consequences of unreported sexual abuse.
The above story simply corroborate the finding of studies that have shown that secrecy leaves the victims of sexual abuse with the feeling of powerlessness and to overcome this feeling, young people often take to violence.
Enslaving secrets does not always involve sexual abuse. Once the basis of keeping a secret is shame, fear of judgement or rejection, such secret usually enslaves and lead to many undesirable results such as anger, feeling of powerlessness, mistrust among people coupled very frequently with forgery and deception in a bid to hid the secret.
Take the case of a father who perceiving that a creditor might come after him, instructed his children to say he is not at home. Meanwhile, he is in a hideout at home. The father may successfully dodge the creditor but he is unconsciously schooling his children in the act of secrecy. Besides, the children may never learn to trust their father anymore nor anyone for that matter.
There have been cases where the fact that a wife kept her husband in the dark about a house she built resulted in preventable suffering in the family. At other times, intending couples keep vital secrets away from each other to their own hurt after the marriage has been consummated.
What shall I say about fathers that have children outside wedlock but kept it as a secret until their death and then trouble started over the sharing of their wealth by their heirs?
Recently, in Nigeria, Pandora Papers unearthed alleged secret files containing undisclosed wealth of Nigerian politicians, generating much public outcry. It is evident that enslaving secrecy is abhorred by the populace.
I could go on and on about the damaging effects of keeping enslaving secrets but I trust my points has been made. I seriously doubt whether there is any benefit ultimately from many of the so-called secrets that people keep especially among family members.
I can't help but close with this line from the holy scripture: You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.
Thank you for stopping by
References
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