It would be easy to write about the anniversary of my son's birth and how we celebrate each year he turns another year older, but, I would prefer to share something a lot deeper with you.
This is my oldest friend, Jay, the one upside down, above my son, taken a few years back.
We met in 1996 at the start of high school. I was 13 and Jay was 12. After a month or so we began to date which was the start of a love story unlike the ones we heard in fairy-tale books growing up.
The movie we ended up watching at the cinema was Toy Story where we actually held hands this one and only time until many years later.
Our story of romance lasted around three months (Jay and I argue about this regularly, he seems to think we only dated for three weeks but I was the one that kept a diary and can prove it 😏😂)
We did however remain friends throughout high school. We built treehouses together, dammed rivers, hiked in the Drakensberg Mountain Range with friends and family, learned to ballroom dance, were youth leaders in our local church, played music, went to the beach often and even accompanied each other to our final dance.
We were awarded such an innocent time during our final years at school with long lasting memories.
We both studied for a year and in 2002 we embarked on an adventure to the United Kingdom to work, Jay left a few months before me and met me at the airport when I landed.
This was truly the adventure of all adventures we had been on. We ended up working in the same office together where we made some wonderful friends, some of which we keep in contact with to this day. My blonde hair, eeeeeek! 😂
We climbed Mount Snowdon in Wales together. Jay turned into a hero when he rescued me from the side of the mountain when I was convinced I was going to slide all the way to the bottom on the slippery shale, but made it to the top.
We drank Maisgold Beer after catching a cable car to the top of one of the mountains in Switzerland near Zurich. People probably thought of us as country bumpkins with our antics like testing static in our hair.
We went to many other places together but in between all of that we never missed the opportunity to be silly, and take photographs of our silliness too.
The United Kingdom with the long dark winters terrified me so I decided to come back to South Africa for a job opportunity in January 2004. Jay stayed on for about another year and moved to Johannesburg upon his return which was about a five hour drive away from me.
We made use of the just starting out social media platforms to stay in touch with funny posts such as 'guess where I am on the levitating pillow?'. I had fun putting those together and we had some good laughs with comments that came through.
I, during our time apart met someone in 2008 and Jay was asked to be the officiator at our wedding, my partner and I were also blessed with a beautiful, healthy baby boy in 2009.
Cape Town, 1200km was the new distance that came between us when Jay took up a job offer with a church down there and we saw each other even less. We tried hard to make birthdays special even though miles separated us and life was rushing us by.
My life turned upside down in 2013 when I landed up getting a divorce which was hard to tell my friend over the phone. My feelings were of shame and guilt as this was not part of the plan. It was only when Jay came to visit his parents at the end of 2013 that I informed him of what had happened.
We went for a picnic to a place called Fern Cliff in Pietermaritzburg and we spoke for hours. I was so relieved to know that my friend was still my friend and deeply sorry for what had happened, my fear was he would turn his back on me, probably due to my lack of self-esteem being the reason for self-doubt.
I never went to visit Jay in Cape Town in the beginning and we only met up when he came to visit periodically but none the less his bond with my child grew really strong which was visible from both sides, my child adored him from the start.
Even though by this stage we were about 14 years out of school when we got together we would somehow manage to go back in time and behave like teenagers again, without a care in the world, climbing obstacle courses and swimming in rivers, a part of our lives my child got to witness which he loved.
Jay's family decided to immigrate and our visits became even less. As we often discuss we did not lose touch but the miles between us became even more noticeable! We went for about two years without seeing each other until his parents returned for a holiday in December 2017.
At this point Jay was doing travel writing and asked me to join him at Hartford House in the Natal Midlands as he was writing an article on the venue and their immaculate food and wine presentations. This five-star hotel had me feeling somewhat out of place because I had gone into farming by this point but it was pretty awesome to be a part of the experience.
It was here we spoke seriously about our lives apart and made a pact with one another that we will celebrate our friendship once a year by going away together, no matter what. This nonsense of us not seeing each other for months had to end!
Also at this time I realised how I felt about Jay and I told his mom how much I missed him. Between her and myself we decided it was a good idea to write him a letter like old times. I expressed my love for him since we were children, my missing his company and felt the need to tell him he was my soulmate though I was not remotely attracted to him in any way, even though he is a very good looking man as I am sure most of you will agree! I wrote to him about the inexplicable connection since our youth which was a phrase used often in our teenage years because of Jay's love for Alanis Morissette.
What happened next? About six weeks after I gave him the letter I was greeted with silence and we had an argument! We did not speak much until that November in 2018! I say this as more of a joke because we know each other so well we do have arguments periodically but get over it eventually and move on 😂.
Partly because of this we did not meet up in 2018 but in the lengthily November conversation Jay asked me to accompany him on a five-star Luxury Railroad Trip for his birthday the following year in 2019 for two nights from Johannesburg to Cape Town. I agreed with much excitement.
Anniversary - 23 years of Friendship
This was our first actual celebration. We also needed to chat through some stuff so being stuck on a train together for three days was perfect! We could not run away from each other.
The Rovos Rail is very glamorous with lots of dressing up for meals and cocktail events on the train but we also found the time to be silly as usual.
We also got to visit Kimberly's Big Hole which was a first for the both of us. Jay wrote a wonderful article about the trip, I cannot remember which outlet it was printed at this point but I remember being in awe of his writing talent.
We arrived in Cape Town, it had been years since I had been in this city and we prepared for birthday celebrations. I got to meet many of my friend's friends over the next two days and what wonderful people he had gotten to know!
The love for my friend had grown even more over the last few days because of our lengthily chats on the train. We had both grown in our own way in our time apart and this was like getting to know one another all over again.
He also drove me along the coastline of the Western Cape where we stopped several times to admire the ocean crashing onto the many rock formations along the route.
Later in June that year, my son made the provincial team for Squash and we went down to George (5 hours from Cape Town) in the Western Cape for the Interprovincial Tournament. It just so happened that Jay was on his way back from a writing assignment and we met up for a brief coffee. Like friends who were living in the same town we had a brief moment of connection.
We made plans for me to continue down to Cape Town after the tournament and these two crazy guys decided it was a good idea to climb table mountain!
The climb of around 1km up was hard, there is no other way to describe it! I personally struggled not being the most athletic person around, but the view from the top was well worth it. We watched the sun go down from on top of the mountain.
We were on a roll! We had kept up to our agreement of seeing each other more, experiencing life together and making memories which takes us to a brief meeting in Johannesburg in December 2019 where we just so happened to be in the same town at the same time. Jay invited me to a dinner party to meet some of his friends up there, we laughed the night away till the early hours of the morning, like old times again, my heart was full.
Anniversary - 24 years of Friendship
In walked Coronavirus in the year 2020 as most of you know. I personally was terrified that we would not see each other but in the November our lockdown was relieved a bit and Jay was asked to write an article on the Tshukudu Bush Lodge in the Pilansburg National Park.
The setting of the lodge reminded me of what one would see in the Serengeti with Wildebeest and Zebra far out into the distance, where we could hear them calling to each other from the deck we were sitting on.
We had a remarkable time just being able to relax and communicate with each other mainly about how hard life had become with lack of work! But knowing that we had each other we would get through which made it feel that much more manageable.
We got to spend time on game drives where we encountered a leopard walking in the road. Our guide was very informative about the reserve and how it came to be as well as sharing with us a lot of information about the fauna and flora of the area.
Anniversary - 25 years of Friendship
The quarter of a century came in 2021. Coronavirus had crippled the economy in South Africa and work was few and far between so money was tight. I eventually arranged to transport rabbits down to the Western Cape to ensure part of the trip was covered and we would at least get to see each that year and do a slight celebration.
We walked on the Promenade for me to get a taste of daily life for my friend.
Headed up part of table mountain on a very windy afternoon to experience the sun setting over the ocean once again.
And then we headed to the little town of McGregor in the Western Cape about two and a half hours from Cape Town where you almost feel like you are going back in time.
We walked around the town and chilled on the veranda together. For me, times like this with my friend were on of the best! We just talk utter nonsense and laugh a lot about our former years growing up.
The sudden opportunity came where Jay was asked to write a piece on Babanango Game Reserve. I as always jumped at the opportunity to accompany my friend so that we could see each other.
We embarked on the ultimate horse safari where we traversed a mountainous
region in Zululand, Kwa Zulu-Natal for three days and two nights, this is about three hours from where I live.
Even though we had tents to sleep in, Jay suggested that we all sleep under the stars. Our mutual love for the stars started way back in 1999 when we found ourselves by the dam close to us under a meteorite shower, this took our memories back in time again as we spoke about this for about an hour and half before falling asleep.
We had sundowners in the reserve which on this particular day had the sun go down while casting rich warm orange and red tones.
An unexpected turn came when Jay's father took ill while living abroad in October 2021 and passed away in the early December a mere few months ago. This was a shock to so many and with the world still in turmoil it was not possible for my friend to fly. So many times over the years he has held my hand through difficult periods for which I will forever be grateful. This tragic event became my turn to hold my friends hand and walk along-side him to support and be a shoulder to cry on.
He wanted to go away and just be alone after the memorial service held in the town we grew up in and after much searching he found a new game reserve that had just opened up called Sasi Bush Lodge which is near the Drakensberg Mountain Range and has a real African Bush feel.
We had a close encounter with some giraffe on a walk which rejuvenated us both.
And we got to walk to one of the many caves the one afternoon with our experienced guide, his laugh kept us laughing even in this time of grieving.
The very last morning we had picked up my child who was desperate to see his 'uncle' Jay before he flew back to Cape Town and we went for a swim in the ocean together. Another rejuvenating moment for us all.
This year we celebrate our 26th anniversary.
I am planning to go to Cape Town before Jay flies to see his family. Since this last December we have spoken nearly every day since we have parted. Our friendship has definitely grown stronger once again and our love for each other much deeper. There have been times where I have phoned him in tears because I miss him so much.
This is my best friend, the love of my life, my soulmate and though circumstances dictate why we will never be romantically involved I am more than happy with what I have because I know what we have is true, the inexplicable connection since our youth that will bind us forever.
I look forward to more adventures, some may be happy, some may sad, some may be tough but in some way we will find a way to celebrate our unique bond and how we are able to be there for one another through thick and thin.
@chociscorpipro @conciouscat @roekeya @jim-crypto @adoore-eu @littlebee4 I thought maybe I would invite you here to join in the writing. I only came across this post yesterday, hence the late tag.
