Expectations

in #hive-156509last year

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Expectations

I want you to be in love
No, but not with him

I want you to have a good job
No, not that one!

I want your life to be different from mine
No, but not that much!

I want you to be happy
No, but not like that!

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Who didn't meet their parents' expectations? Raise your hand!

Every parent wants the best for his or her child, but not everyone is able to step out of their own way to see what is right and good for their child. It is very easy to miss the moment when you should stop reprimanding and lecturing your child, because you are facing a mature adult and not a snotty child. For parents, we are always children, which is quite obvious. Nevertheless, they sometimes have an image of their children in their minds that has nothing to do with reality. It is a creation they make for their own needs.

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A creation made out of expectation, hope and deep faith.

An image that has so little to do with reality that it creates a barrier between the parent and the beloved child. A barrier which, when nurtured by insinuations, silences and silent anger, begins to widen. It turns into a deep sinkhole of anger and sadness. If we are not sufficiently attentive, it will turn into a ravine that cannot be bypassed. A crater over which we can no longer build a bridge. The shores are too precarious and sandy.

So perhaps we should get out of our heads for a moment. Let us get rid of fictional sons and imaginary daughters. Pink glasses may be worn to colour reality a little, but let us not wear them all the time. Self-improvement usually means living up to our own expectations. But what if our expectations of ourselves and our parents' expectations of us are completely different?

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What if every time we hit a crossroads we have to tear ourselves apart internally, because instead of just choosing for ourselves we have to choose what 'should be chosen'? How thick is the umbilical cord between us still?? How much of our movements are our own?

How much of ourselves is in us? Or a fraction? Or half and half? More mum or more dad?

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As I get older, I notice more and more of my parents' characteristics in me. Even though I moved away from home at a very young age, even now I use similar sentence structures, hum the same melodies under my breath, my gestures are lifelike from my parents.

And my determination to be 'self-made' human blurs, dissolves. I feel that my efforts to be 'someone more' or even 'someone else', have come to nothing. Even though I live in a different country, a different reality - from time to time I feel the threads guiding my movements. How is this possible?

Independence also means detachment. But is it possible to be part of and to be a separate entity at the same time? How much inner conflict can one bear?

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About the drawing

My parents are not very fond of my crude drawings, especially if there is more nudity or, heaven forbid, gore:) However, they really like my series with the dancers. I think these are the first drawings of mine that they really liked. I gave them two pieces with dancers, and when I visited them, my Mum asked for a drawing of a dancer again (a woman for a change).

I tried to document the stages of the work as usual, but at the family home I have neither an easel nor a good background for drawing - so the light in each picture is quite dramatically different. I hope you will forgive me for this:)

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How are you my dear Hivers?
What's new?

Yours,
Strega Azure

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I used pencils: 6B, 4B, 2B, 4H, 7H.

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Reference Photo

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Drawing & pics are my authorship if not stated otherwise,
All rights reserved @strega.azure ©

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Wow! I think you captured her grace, movement, strength, and feminity perfectly... what a beautiful balance💃💗 Your drawings are always exceptional, Strega.

It's interesting isn't it... the way in which we seem both to emulate and reflect our parents and yet still strive to reflect something else from within us that is new and independent. We can't escape the DNA and common genetics or the voices from our childhood that we carry through life, and we find ourselves thinking...

My gosh, I sound just like my parents! 🤣

I wonder sometimes if this is simply because parenting comes with so many common themes but I also hear specific things from my parents in me that are unique to what they said or how they reacted or responded to life situations. It gives pause for thought, doesn't it? We want to break the cycle of destructive behaviour, learned, mimicked, or resulting... and we want to emulate all the positive traits that we were privileged to witness and experience. And finally, break free with some independent and new behaviours borne of our own new experiences.

I read an interesting article yesterday about feto-maternal microchimerism and am trying to build a post around the theme... It's interesting how cells transfer between mother and baby in utero and some remain for decades in the other's body tissue, bones, brain, organs etc as distinct cells that continue to replicate and actually help to fight illnesses on behalf of their new host 💗 So in some ways we carry our moms, especially with us through life and she carries us... through life. Something quite special - still linked long after birth has occurred.

Always a pleasure visiting your blog 💗💃😘 !LUV !Hug !LADY

ps: Hope you had a lovely time visiting with your parents xx

Dear @strega.azure, you just got hugged.
I sent 1.0 HUG on behalf of @samsmith1971.
(1/3)

Missed you so so much!

Oh yeah, it is always a pickle, isn't it? I was always admired moral spine of my Mum. I wish to be as straight-minded as she is. I always hesitate. With everything. I know it is not always a bad thing, since we should always consider situation thoroughly before making any judgments or taking any actions... but... she actually sees thing for what they really are. I envy her this clarity.

And it is true, there are always voices. Happens for me to change my mind, just to make sure my Parents would do stuff differently. Pure spite :D

I read thing or two about feto-maternal microchimerism. It is mad how little we know still about human body, isn't it? I am waiting for your post then!

I will do post about my time at home, that's for sure, I just have to gather my thoughts:) But it is nice to have some time off, change the perspective. See stuff from the distance:)

@strega.azure the comment of @samsmith1971 that you nominated for Dreemport's Comment of the Day is no doubt an amazing comment.

However the comment cannot earn the award because Sam is a Dreemport staff. We are not awarding the staff with something that is meant for public 🙂

Nevertheless, for this time 50 DREEMS are awarded to you for nominating a nice comment.

But.....
Next time, nominating a comment of Dreemport staff would bring nothing to any of you.

Keep Dreeming....🙂

Have a nice Day 🌹

Sorry, I had no clue that #Dreemport stuff is excluded.

Thank you very much, really appreciate!

That's why we have awarded you this time 😀

Now you have the clue. Glue to it 😅

Happens for me to change my mind, just to make sure my Parents would do stuff differently. Pure spite :D

This made me giggle 😂 I can just picture it...

As for my post, I am thinking of incorporating it into a short story hehe... so maybe not a detailed analysis of the condition but rather exploring the theme through fiction... it's how I like to roll creatively... I've had a hectic couple of weeks at work (last week and this week) so have not been able to find time to write - just too exhausted by the time I log off my work laptop each evening. But I am going to try to write a bit tonight... even just make a start and then hopefully finish tomorrow.

I'm really pleased you had a nice break. My Hive breaks never seem to be planned... they just happen... I will hit an impasse, a low, too much juggling off-chain... and my writing ends up being the first thing to go... but I usually come back feeling refreshed again... so in hindsight never a bad thing 😊

Good to have you back, my lovely... chat soon !LUV !ALIVE

Yeah, I am odd like this :D

I am looking forward to read this! Haven't read much during my holiday, and really miss my routine:) I would say we all need a break every now and then, doesn't matter if that is from work or even hive:)

I just hope that during my break I unlocked some new ideas in my head that I can share with others:)

See you around!

@strega.azure! You Are Alive so I just staked 0.1 $ALIVE to your account on behalf of @samsmith1971. (4/10)

The tip has been paid for by the We Are Alive Tribe through the earnings on @alive.chat, feel free to swing by our daily chat any time you want.

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Great post, I must say it's hard meeting our own expectations, so expecting us to meet the expectations of parents 100% or any other person for that matter is really extreme.

#dreemport

It is impossible. I would say - as soon as we realized that - we will become happier people:)

I enjoy your art for a lot of reasons and then when you write, it just blows me away because of how beautiful and poetic and accurate it sounds. I'm still under my parents radar even with my age, sadly, though I resent it a lot because of the reasons you mentioned and more. They love you and know what's best but not just to be completely free or do the things that truly make you happy. It's sad but...what to do.

Anyways, I love how graceful and poise your dancer looks. Like a phoenix set for flight. Ethreal.❤️

I was missing your insightful way of seeing things @jhymi

When I think about it little bit more I am always getting back to question raised by Jordan B.Peterson(psychologist) - 'Do you want your kind to be safe or strong?'

Parents obviously try to shield their children, but if you don't experience enough when you are young - you will be weak, scared, incapable adult, and that is something to worry about .

I am glad you liked my drawing, it was pleasant to draw as well - I was in my family village, quiet place, such a subject (ballerinas) kinda fits:)

It's nice to reconnect with people who see the world the way I do. So happy I made it here. Have a wonderful day/night Strega dear. Loads of !luv to you.🤗✨

It is true. It is incredible when you can find someone either alike or having similar thoughts to yours - life doesn't seem that scary at least for this split moment:)

Thank you for visiting me, see you around!

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I must say that you are really talented. #DoffsHat. That is an amazing artwork up there.

As for our parents, they care so much about us and are just being protective, haha we love them anyways.

#Dreemport.

Thank you @amiegeoffrey!

100% agree here. The just want what is best for us. We just have to keep in mind that we are separate entities, and we need stand our ground from time to time :)

You break my heart with your artistry - in the most exquisite way possible.

i love you :)

so glad you're home!!!

Hey! That was not my intention!

Plan was - to lift hearts after my depressing writing 🤣

Glad to be home:)

breaking my heart with joy!!! hehehe

and appreciation

and the vastness of the beauty and talent!!

it stretches my heart until it breaks - hehehe its a wonderful feeling hahaha truly overwhelming! LOL

And yet again you made me blush all the way to my ears!
Thank you for all your kind words, truly!

Hmmm wanted to resemble the statue of liberty in appearance. The pics is shows the meaning already so free of everything

While I was choosing the reference picture I haven't thought much about it. I just really like the grace of the pose and dignity on the dancers face. But now thanks to you and other commentators - I myself see more than just that.

Thank you for it!

Yahhh those this pix also portray the same meaning to the statue of liberty??

It is just s ballet dancer photoshoot, I don't think the state of liberty was an idea here:) The dancer is in a very dynamic pose, in the air, with a lightness of step. The statue of liberty is firmly planted on the ground, and with a thick layer of drapery on:)

Ohh i see this portray something like freedom, and the liberty statue portray something like power and unity

I would agree on that, 100%!

Am glad we're on the same page ☺️☺️🤗

!discovery 39

Thank you!

A beautiful piece, I am sure why your parents like it. It is very true, we are much more like our parents than we realise sometimes. It is hard being on the other foot trying to guide your children, although I didn't appreciate it when I was younger.

Thank you very much, I am glad you like it!

I don't think the golden mean for parenting actually exists. But! There are better and worse ideas for sure. Forcing our way should stop at some point, but when exactly is time for it?

I've raised my hand. :D Perhaps it should be razed instead.

Nice one! But no, it shouldn't:)

I was always jealous to hear my friends' stories of how supportive their parents were towards them. Now I think it could be a lie :)

My in-laws are amazing. It's a strange relationship because to me, it feels like I'm an imposter within their world.

That's actually funny, I have better contact with my BF Mum as well :D
Maybe it works better with 'chosen' child, not an actual one :)

Possibly. I just had an hour or more on the phone with them. An endless array of topics triggered from me suggesting a single song at the next (date to be determined) family karaoke night. :D

I think you are trying to say between the lines that you have charming personality:)

What will be a repertoire then? Rock classics like in your post?

I want to belt out "Zero" by Smashing Pumpkins.

Maybe I'm some sort of warlock (if that's the equivalent of a male witch) - and I imagine to trick everyone into believing that I'm charming, but instead I just harvest their "happy energy" to recharge my introvert batteries somehow.

👍

... and drinking their tears from gold cup to gain youth and vigour :)

Actually trickery is not an easy art, so even if this is only disguise you are doing well:)

My parents are not very fond of my crude drawings, especially if there is more nudity or, heaven forbid, gore:)

Hehehehhe parents will always be parents and there’s nothing we can do about it 😃

I don't mind people to have different taste to mine, I actually always welcome little bit discussion. But with my Dad there is no discussion. 'Why you draw such an ugly things? How about horses, horses are nice. Draw that!' 🤣

Lol at least he keeps tabs of your drawings, that should count!

That is good point!

Yeah it is

Beautiful writing and art piece! My parents expectations has been a shadow that's following me all my life. This inner conflict between me and not me can sometimes be exhausting.

I feel you @takhar. As you said - if we are very demanding of ourselves on a daily basis - this already often leaves us exhausted. And if on top of all that we add someone else's expectations of us - we start to lose ground. Our self-confidence dwindles and the world seems hostile.

So sometimes it's worth taking a break. From ourselves too. After all, we are usually our own worst enemies, aren't we?

We absolutely are! The enemy is always within. Taking a break every once in a while to disconnect is important to keep ourselves sane and have a clear inner atmosphere.

We do, definitely. Thank you for your visit!


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Thank you!

I can even draw a bird properly. This drawing is beautiful.
And I think the reason why we see more of our parent in us is because we bear their genes and there is a way they have trained us and we have learn from them unconsciously. it has always been like that.
we are human and we are bound to change at one time or another in our life, I hope your parent change and get accustom to all genre of your drawings.
A lovely write up. Got to see this amazing post from dreemport

Welcome to my blog!
Thank you very much, I am glad you liked it:)

You raised interesting point @fashtioluwa. We obviously learning by means of imitation(our parents, grand parents, teachers, people at school, so on). But what happens subconsciously - is out of our hands:)

I am glad to see my Parents in me of course, this way I feel as a part of something bigger then myself.

But in the same time I am frustrating when I am trying to improve myself, and then, if I am not cautious enough - I am getting back to old ways(often my Parents ways)... DNA is hard to fight with :D

Yeah😅😅😅DNA is hard to fight. It was nice to meet you

Likewise!