I sit with headphones on, listening to music that straight away transports me to another time and place. My life before I became a mother, when I was living on another continent. When my head was full of insecurities, not really sure about the direction that I was going to take.
Something was holding me back, making me question what I was about to become a part of, but I went all in and I lost myself in the process.
Love is a funny thing after all, it is all consuming, if you allow it to be and wow did I. When I fall in love, I fall hard.
It blinds me, it swallows me whole and I don't protest at all! After all, I craved to be loved, I was deprived of it!
Love can break you and it can also make you, two sides of the very same coin. Damn but Valentine's has got me thinking about love, again. How it transform us, especially when our love turns to grief and then transforms into love once again.
This is an emotional week for me, it is the anniversary of my Sister and also the anniversary of a very close friend of mine. Both of whom passed away from Cancer. Losing them,really blew open the doors to the sheer force and power of love. It is so true that you don't realize how much you love someone until you lose them.
I can understand how some people can then get consumed by that, it is the most painful thing in the world. And yet, I cradled my grief, until it transformed back into a love that I could really live with.
So I could celebrate them both, by living my best life. That is the way in which I honour them, how I honour myself. Death, really opens your eyes up, to the fragility of life and how important it is to cherish it.
When I feel myself slip away into moments of despair or frustration, I allow myself to feel them and fall apart if I need to. Then I remind myself, of this wonderful gift that I have, one that should never be taken for granted. This gift of life!
I have been through some dark times in my life, all of which, made my light shine a little bit brighter. I have fallen apart a few times now, only to come back stronger, that is the beauty and the power of this fragile life that we have.
Fragile and yet so powerful, again two wonderful opposites, that sit at either end of the same branch. Woven together in love.
There are so many ways in which we can experience love, ways which really transform us and propel us on this life journey of ours. It's the pain and suffering that splits us open, that empty's us out, so that we are ready to fill up with love once again!
