I thought I had escaped it. I thought it was all over. I thought I was done. I am not. I still have my project hanging over my head.
My department just announced my defense date to be in a week's time, and I am not ready 😩
It is a habit for my department to just make abrupt decisions without consulting its students. How can my defense be in a week, and I still have a lot of work left undone that my supervisor hasn't attended to?
I wonder how they came to the conclusion to fix our defense date in a week's time when a lot of students under their supervisors haven't made much progress.
The announcement of this date has really thrown me off my game, and I am the most lost person on earth at this moment.
To be fair, I should have been working on my project since I finished my exams, but the issue here is that the analysis part of which my supervisor demanded of me for a while now has been giving me headaches.
It is a tough analysis to do; it is on the R software, and I have been learning R for a while back. But for this particular analysis, I got stuck, and I needed to source for help.
I did, and on time I did start sourcing for help. I looked everywhere I possible could for help and couldn't find one. Until I eventually did, my tutor for actuarial science just completed his PhD in actuarial science, and he is great with the R software.
I met him and told him about my plight, and he said my project topic is a tough one (given to me by my supervisor), that it is a PhD-level project topic. And I shouted "Ah" and said, "No wonder it's so difficult, and I got stuck."
He said for him to assist with it, it will cost a lot. The amount he called I was like another "Ah," I don't have that money. I pleaded with him that I really need this project grade, and I would love to learn, but at this point let me just do it and "getat" (get out).
He said okay, no problem, and that he would help me with it. I trust him, and so I left my project for a while, since my analysis is the main part I am waiting for, so I could focus on my upcoming exams. Because I was already feeling so much pressure from my project because of the way it was stressing me.
To be honest, I am grateful to that man for how he turned my academic performance around with his tutorial. And so, I knew I was going to need to trust him on my project too.
So, I did. Even though I am not a fan of relying on people when it comes to high-stakes things to me, here I have no choice but to either trust or panic, but it would have reflected in my academic performance for the semester if I didn't choose trusting him.
And now I am panicking, though the better time to panic, which is after my exams, but I am helpless right now. I know he will have a lot of work on his plate since he is someone all my course mates are familiar with, and he will be under a lot of pressure to deliver the projects of those he said he will assist.
I am just not happy that it seems like my project defense would have to be delayed and I won't defend with my mates. To be honest, I don't want to spend another minute in that school after all that I have been through because of them.
Well, this is what I call "one last time for the degree." I go again for the very last time for this degree, and I pray, and hope God comes through and manifests himself beyond my expectations.
Thank you for taking out time to read my blog for the day. Cheers 🥂
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