You lose yourself trying to hold on to someone who doesn't care about losing you.
curiano.com
My relationship of a year plus is at its edge of crumbling as I feel my efforts and presence is no longer appreciated. When things go wrong, I'm always the only one fighting to make it right, he doesn't call or text me until I do so and I'm already sick and tired of it.
Recently we were just fine until I received a message on WhatsApp from an old friend. The message was as a reply to my whatsapp status. My boyfriend saw the message and got upset asking me why I was mingling with someone he had asked me not to mingle with. He accused me of secretly texting and hanging out with the guy when none of that was true.
I tried explaining myself but he kept calling me a liar. He had never believed anything I said until maybe he saw tears running down my cheeks like streams but this last time he did it, I got so irritated and couldn't stand him calling or seeing me as a liar every single time.
Ever since I dated him I've stayed faithful, I gave him access to my phone. He sometimes blocks my friends on social media or from calling me and I say nothing about it. He chooses my dress code and governs my life as if he's my father but still I didn't complain. Now this once I asked for him to believe me he refused to believe me saying that I do delete my messages after chatting with other men.
I was at his place when this incident happened, I made just one sentence that made him flare up; "If you won't believe me you leave it cause I'm tired of explaining myself to you". He dragged me from his bed to the floor and asked me to get out of his house.
I left that day without saying a word and till this day he hasn't called to apologize, rather he sent me a message on WhatsApp calling me a disrespectful girl and seeking for an apology which I have refused to give cause I didn't do anything wrong.
I figured it's high time I loved and focused more on myself than I ever have because no one on Earth can love, appreciate or believe me more than I can do to myself.
Relationships hurt in a way that when you're willing to do anything for your partner, they begin to see you as dumb or stupid, as a person that has no self value and they take advantage of your kindness, love and respect.
Slowly I'm getting over him and I'll pick myself back up. I came to this world alone and so will I return.