My last posts have all been in German, but today I feel like writing a little update in English again.
I’m very glad though that I allow myself to write also in German (my native tongue), which was kind of a challenge for me at first.
All those stories in my head that were telling me, I can’t do that because of this or that or something else.
But it’s just a story, it’s not the truth. So I tried it once, pushed through the discomfort, and guess what? Everything was fine. So now that scared voice in my head is gone for good.
Yeih, Another little piece of freedom!
It’s those small things, small changes, that give me back the ability to choose. I don’t want my life to be dictated by old stories in my head, by fears, that keep me from doing things I feel are right. The stories may have been true at some point in my life, may have been even necessary, but now my life is different, I’m grown up, and I want to choose my own stories.
That video project I’m working on will be another huge step towards even more freedom. It’s infinitely harder for me than writing in German on my blog though ^^ takes me a lot longer.
But from experience I know, the harder the challenge the bigger the piece of gold in the end. So I have confidence.
It’s really the hardest thing I’ve ever attempted to learn! It feels like some kind of final exam in the school of life, before I can reach a new level ^^ I have to summon everything I have learned over the past years.
So many stories to go through, it’s a daily struggle for me right now. But even though it is so very uncomfortable, it still feels right. I just can’t help it, I have to do that now!
The good thing is not always (not even mostly, actually very rarely ^^) the most comfortable thing to do. Because I didn’t know myself, all I knew were the stories in my head that I had picked up over the course of my life.
By now I have learned to not confuse my Self with those stories, to not identify with them anymore, but to know them as ghosts of the past. But in some places they are still there, being so afraid, telling me to not go on because it’s so dangerous.
And I hear them. I hear them all out very patiently.
But then I choose to not follow their advice but my own sense of what is right. It takes a lot, I must be brave and strong. But I know it’s worth it and that on the other side I will have back another little piece of freedom.
So today I’m gonna make another attempt of catching my Self on camera ^^
I won’t stop until I found my video mode! I know I have it, it’s somewhere! There is a part of me that is not nervous, not afraid of being seen, not afraid of speaking from the heart. I know that!
I’m working on that for over half a year now, practicing every day, going slowly but steadily, and I feel I’m close to the finish line. Just a tiny bit further, I’m alsmost there. The hill gets steeper but I can already see the top!
This is what fills about 90 percent of my Being right now ^^ pretty intense.
The other 10 percent are dreams about our future home, that we are about to find. Currently we are waiting to get more information on some places that we looked at.
Waiting but not waiting, because we keep ourselves busy with working on our projects and blogging.
So it’s all good, waiting is very fun this way and every night I fall asleep feeling that I have accomplished something, that I’ve done something good and took another step in the direction I want to go.
Yes, I struggle with that video thing. But the Crazy Professor part of me actually rejoices, because he’s got another great opportunity to closely study human behavior and development ^^
I’m pretty sure I signed up for this before I came to Earth, and from that perspective, it’s just so fascinating to watch myself going through it all and cheer myself on along the way.
Alright, here we go! Off to another fun day on Earth!
all images are mine
