Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain
This weekend we were playing around drawing funny fishes. She was holding my hand that was holding the pen and then she was directing it, so of course it was a bit wonky but that was half the fun of it.
We were having good fun and then she wanted to cut pages out of the book so that we could make more and while doing it, she cut her finger. I immediately knew that it was going to be sore and she kinda just stood looking at it before she said "mommy I cut my finger" - I was already moving to get the first aid kit. Instinctively I knew that if I made a big deal of it, that she would then treat it as more severe than it was. I simply agreed with her saying I'm so sorry that it happened and that we would get it patched up in no time.
She nodded stoicly and every step of the first aid process I told her what I was doing so that 1) she knew and could see what I was doing and 2) I could use it as a teaching moment about simple first aid.
I explained when I put on the antiseptic foam that it may sting or burn but that just meant it was busy doing it's job and fighting off any germs that got into the cut and that once they were all dead, the stinging would stop. I was expecting tears but none came, she just asked me "what's next mom?"
So I moved on to getting the band aids and asking her what colour she would like. The last shocking pink one of course - so I put the Betadene onto the bandaid and showed LL that the ointment needs to go onto the part that is cut to help it heal. She watched intently and then I wrapped it and asked her if I could put healing kisses ontop. "Yes please mommy". So I did and then I gave her a big hug and told her she is such a brave girl. She thanked me for the band-aid and then showed it off like her latest fasion accessory. Kids lol.
Being a mom is not easy. It's beautiful and bountiful and it makes you truly appreciate life and all the complexities of it, but it's also busy and stressful at the best of times.
I have been exceptionally fortunate that LL has been a very healthy and happy little girl since the day she was born. Very little has got her down through the years and she has tought me more in those years than I learned from the three decades prior.
You end up wearing a LOT of different hats when you're mom, often conflicting ones. Comforter, disciplinarian, friend, mentor, instructor, nurse, chef, chauffeur, field guide, farmer, playmate the list goes on. How many of these do we actually tend to master through the years? Hopefully the first one - MOM.
I don't think I was one of those "born to be a mom" people and for the first few months of her life I was an anxious mess always second guessing everything because I was chasing that ever elusive "perfect mom" ideal. Impossible and unnecessary. I'm totally flawed and my kid gets bumps, bruises and sometimes cuts her fingers. Anyone want to judge that - go ahead but I'm pretty sure that everyone who has kids has had this kind of thing happen before. I also won't imprint on her that she needs to try and be perfect and never fall or hurt herself, I'm then setting her up for failure expecting things that are beyond anyone's reach really. I rather tell her that these things happen but that we have to bounce back, get back up and keep going.
So yesterday while I was expecting tears and a bit of drama, they never came and I was very proud of how brave she was but I also told her afterwards that it's ok to cry when things are sore and I often re-iterate that to her. She cries freely when she is sad or upset and I'm fine with that and feel that it is healthy.
So while I'm far from perfect and the first to admit it, I thought about how we dealt with that situation and it couldn't have been better. Obviously it sucks that she was hurt, but she bounced back pretty fast and that's what's important. I need her to be resilient for what life might throw at her and it starts at day one, not when she's 18 years old.
I feel like I mastered the MOM part yesterday. Some days are better than others and some days are more like bowling - sorta "hit 'n miss" - but this morning she woke up ready to tackle the day. We had extra cuddles and she proudly showed me her cut declaring "look mom, it's healing". I smiled knowing she's dusted herself off already.
