Hi everyone I gathered you all today to go over the protocols for Hivefest that takes place in Split Croatia next month. Now we have been invited to do the usual hour or two presenting our vision and what we have developed over the past year since Hivefest 8. There are a couple of changes this year however that are extremely important which I want you to be conscience of. This is the first year we have DHF funding so it is important we don't come across too flush with the Spondulex, too flash with the cash, too loose with the coin. Coin coin coin. If we are then the return proposal will increase and we will be without funding again which cannot happen.
"What do you mean by that?"
"Let me explain"
The Hive cabal have their eyes on us and they are watching every move we make. Some of the big names don't particularly like us applying for their DHF funding so they will be watching us like hawks. So I want you all to have that in the back of your mind when you are in public with these people.
We need to come across humble and professional. These people will pretend to be your friend but they are really not. They made that clear over the last couple of months but we have to respect their decision.
We can't come across too loose with our finances if you catch my drift. Croatia is a mad place altogether ever since the breakup of Yugoslavia and if you have the money you can do anything you want. It's the wild west out there. Hell you even can blow up a cow with a rocket launcher!!! Can we make sure we all refrain from blowing up cows with rocket launchers please?
"Yes boss". I'm just gonna take a couple of notes here if that is ok!
Go ahead Nate"
NO - B-L-O-W-I-N-G U-P C-O-W-S W-I-T-H R-O-C-K-E-T L-A-U-N-C-H-E-R-S.
"Brad take you for example. What are you wearing today?"
"Well this is a signature prada blazer with Gucci jeans and a Vendi shirt with real crocadile skin shoes."
"Jeez Louise Brad. It ain't Milan fashion week here. Leave those at home Brad. You need to scale down there. Take it back a bit. Everyone knows you were the driving force for Land 1.0. You don't need to show it off. Jeans, t-shirt and a pair of Adidas Gazelles will do you."
"We can't be going to Hivefest donning the Prada or the Gooch with fucking crocodile shoes!!!!"
"We need to be coming across poor. Poor but not desperate."
"Do I make myself clear?"
"Ah yes boss"
Lose the pilot sunglasses and the medallions too guys.
John does that gold tooth come out?
No boss, its permanent.
Try not to smile then
"OK onto the menu choices."
"Fillet steak is off the menu for you all at Hivefest. It is the most expensive meat there and I don't want those Hive whales to be looking over at us eating medium rare Wagyu dry aged fillet."
"Awwwwww bosssss"
"I will bring you all to a steak restaurant when we get back. Hell, we will even go to that Saltbae one in Dubai but I want none of you on the steaks in Split. This is a non negotiable."
"What is on the menu that screams that you don't have the cash to buy the steak?"
"The homemade burger boss??"
"Yes the homemade fucking burger", you are getting it people. We need to look like broke asses so those people can't say anything against us. You can't deny us a homemade burger. Perfect"
*Any veggys in the house , a Caeser salad is a nice alternative. They can't say a word against a caesar salad. Talking about vegans, where's Mel? *
Here boss.
Mel I know you like to eat a fruit salad off naked male supermodels when you are in Europe. I have seen the entertainment receipts. Can we leave out the naked male supermodel just this once and I will get you an extra nice fruit bowl with some cheese delivered to your hotel room. You are free to bring a male from Hivefest to do it but I don't want an expense if you catch my drift?
"OK boss that was a secret by the way" Bit embarrassing
Mel the dog on the street knows your penchant for eating grapes off good looking men's nut sacks. It was the talk of Mavchat back in the day.
"I'll act as the male model if you like for free Mel?"
"Jack you have cornflakes stuck in your beard most days and you haven't seen your willy in a decade with that belly but thank you , Thank you for thinking about cost cutting measures."
"I'm a team player boss."
"Boss don't you think we are going a bit too far?? These Hive people do not hold back themselves at these festivals!"
"Half of them going will be using the DHF to fly them to Split and pay their expenses!!"
"The Gym Community have the penthouse suite booked. The have an entourage of around 25."
"The rally car guys and videographer are flying in by helicopter. "
"The Wells guy has booked the Cast of Lion King the Musical to do a performance after his presentation."
The South American presentation girl has left already and has currently stopped over at Zagreb having travelled to Dublin, London, Paris, Milan, Munich, Berlin, Florence to get there! Said it was the only flights on offer to get there!!
"I know that Henry but for some reason these guys don't need to tell the powers that be what exactly they are doing with the their funding but we are different and have to give them every little detail on how we are going to spend the funding. The world is just not fair Henry but we gotta play the game to secure funding."
"Most of Hive are wide to these guys anyway so there will be eyes on them too but we have to look after our own house first."
"So bottom line is not to be flash Harry's got it?"
"Got it boss"
"We have another festival next month with another potential client so we can leave ourselves go more at that one or should I say them ones. If all goes to plan Mel can eat fruit off any man she likes. I'll buy Brad a pair of white Rhino shoes and you can blow up as many cows as you like with rocket launchers! Oh and I will fly Saltbae in to feed you steak from his big fork. Deal!
Deal boss
Ok thanks for being so understanding team.
One small problem boss
What is it?
Our G5 can only take 16 and there is 18 of us going!
Ahhhh man not again.
Gonna have to be two trips so!
Tell the pilots to fly into the remote airstrip to the south of Split. That way nobody will see us disembarking
Good Plan boss. We promise we will be good.
OK guys meeting concluded, I'm gonna have to go, I've a ton of , ahhh ahem , I mean a couple of important meetings today. Here they are now. Got to go!! Byeeee
Pleased to meet you, Ronin
[office door closes]
"Psst Brad who the hell is Ronin?"
**"I dunno Mel
Best guess is it's the pilot!!"
