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This question has been on my mind for years. I was still a temperamental teenager when I first asked it. I knew the logical answer was to keep the peace, but my impulses were going in the opposite direction. I could not overlook the commission of what I considered an injustice.
I was certain I could change the way people thought and make them see clearly what I saw. I was adamant that I had to clarify everything and provide all kinds of information so that others would understand me.
Yes, that did bring me a lot of overwhelm. Everyone seems to have a slightly or extremely different perception of reality, so it was impossible to agree perfectly with anyone. I would argue and get heated trying to get others to understand and accept the rights and duties we had.
I couldn’t stand it when people said things that were just plain wrong, especially when they did it over and over.
A friend of mine, about 30 years older than me, used to tell me: "Don't let yourself be provoked. It's better to have peace of mind than to win the argument. But at that time I couldn't take it. No matter how quietly I kept my mouth shut, my blood boiled with indignation.
Well, that has changed.
Firstly, I have learnt that decisions are not about choosing between black and white; that there is a grey scale and that one's view of the world is subjective and respectable as long as it does not harm others. This way of thinking helps me to be more reasonable..
Secondly, I have learnt that my inner peace has nothing to do with other people or what is happening. It only depends on my thoughts. So I try not to think about the things I don't like if I can't do anything about them now, and if I can change them in the future, I write them down and that's it.
Today I also have to deal with some people who have ideas that I think are blatantly wrong, but I don't let them influence me. I cannot be influenced by words that I ignore. I also try to keep a calm attitude regardless of the circumstances, so that the sudden and radical change between my emotions does not disturb me.
Today I can say that I am able to listen to someone say something that is completely incoherent from a general point of view, or watch people indulge in completely despicable behaviour and activities without feeling bad about it. It's not that it doesn't affect me at all, but I don't let it ruin my day.
I believe I may have finally grasped the concept that it is not possible for me to change the world, but that I can certainly make a difference in my own life. I don't believe it's necessary to change other people's ideas or ways of being to suit me. I don't have to be friends with everyone, but I would like to be friends with as many people as possible. I believe that I don't have to prove anything to anyone but myself.
I believe this means choosing to be at peace rather than being right. What are your thoughts on this?
Translated with DeepL