For the past couple of months, I've been having this on and off moodswings that most times acts more than just a moodswing. And whenever it happens, I get this strong urge to want to stay away from everyone and just be on my own, minding my business.
And when I don't do that, I end up picking fights with people around who do the slightest of things that normally wouldn't get me upset.
Sadly, that has been happening to me a lot recently, and knowing the kind of guy that I am, I tend to cut off people and end years of relationship the moment they hurt me because I hate getting hurt and wouldn't want the same thing repeating itself in the future...and the one way I know in stopping something from happening twice is by entirely ending all form of communication with that person.
And although that works, because once beaten, twice shy, the downside to it is that you end up fighting almost everyone around you and ruining all the relationships around you, relationships that probably took you years to build, and when you eventually get out of that moodswing, you come back to your senses and it just feels like a piece of clothing was taken off your eyes and you can see all of the disaster that you've done during that period.
Fortunately for me, I've gotten to that age where I can spot my mistake, admit it and work towards making amends and apologise for whatever wrong that I might have caused during that period. And that is what I've been doing for a while now, I've been calling my friends and just talking things out with them, letting them know that I was in a dark place when I reacted the way I did and that I was sorry for talking to them the way I did.
In the beginning, having to apologise used to be something hard for me to do because it always felt like me apologising was like me admitting to being the one who did wrong and I hated that feeling, especially during times where I honestly felt like I didn't do nothing wrong and that the other party involved was the one at fault.
But then I got to realized that apologies is just a way of you choosing peace over everything else and that as long as you know in your heart that you're apologising for the greater good, then it's fine. Although I wouldn't always advise apologising all the time because people tend to abuse that privilege and would go ahead to hurt you because they know you would always come back to say sorry at the end of it all.
Anyways, I'm currently at my "I'm sorry" phase right now and I'm trying to get my friends back (or some of them), because in as much as I do want peace, some friends are better off gone, than being in my life.
