My brother recently sent me a Tesla gift card for my birthday. Anyone who knows me will tell you gift cards burn a hole in my pocket, I can’t wait to spend them. Which is strange because I’m the exact exact opposite with money, I’ll walk around stores with something in my hand then put it back after I successfully talk myself out of needing it ninety percent of the time.
Of course I logged into the Tesla Shop the minute the gift card landed in my inbox and, thankfully, spent the hell out of it before I suffered any third degree burns. I bought two different CyberTruck t-shirts and a CyberStein. The stein was ridiculously expensive but I could justify it because, you know, gift cards have the uncanny ability of making my frivolous side shine.
What happened next was a maelstrom of customer service chicanery of such epic proportions that I still can hardly believe it. I immediately got an email confirmation of my order. I thought to myself, “Yeah! I’m going to be rocking that CyberShirt and having a CyberTea out of my CyberStein in no time.” Little did I realize what a fine job reality would do of reframing my expectations.
Next came the email that my order the three items were shipped (still yeah!😀). About a week later the order was delivered but it was only one t-shirt (😞). I scoured the mail room for more packages thinking they may have shipped in separate boxes but, nope, there was just the one yet the entire order (three items) had been changed to a “delivered” status.
Next came the monumental task of finding the Tesla Shop’s customer service email address. This proved nearly as difficult as uncovering the Ark of the Covenant. As it turns out the email address for merch is different from the one for the vehicles. The Tesla website has an FAQ page or many issues with the order but my particular scenario fit none of those. After about forty-five minutes of searching I uncovered the customer service email address for merch on Reddit of all places (it’s onlineorders@tesla.com in case you ever need it).
So I sent another email and got a response the following day. They wanted me to take photos of the shipping label but, of course, it had been thrown away already. I informed them and included a screenshot of the order confirmation showing the three items I ordered and this was sufficient proof for them to ship the remaining two items.
Another few days passed and I got another shipping confirmation (yeah?😌) showing the stein and the t-shirt. The CyberStein and second CyberTruck t-shirt were finally enroute, which felt like a major accomplishment! A week later the CyberStein was delivered but I was still missing the t-shirt (sunnova!😖).
Now, nearly a month after the original order, I contacted my old friends at Tesla’s customer support yet again. Before I even got a response another shipping confirmation email from Tesla landed in my inbox “Your order was shipped!”
Yesterday the last item was finally delivered (thank you sweet Jesus) but even though it’s the exact same size as the first t-shirt that fit perfectly, this one is so big that the end of the sleeves come down to the middle of my forearms. This shirt would fit a medium sized sasquatch.
So, as I was sipping my CyberTea from my CyberStein this morning I fired off another email inquiring about their exchange process while silently mouthing the words to the Serenity Prayer.
Admittedly, in our post-Covid world good customer service is more rare than common sense. Thankfully, my experience with my Tesla vehicle customer service has been nothing but stellar every single time. However, if you ever get the inkling to order any Tesla merch you’d better make sure you have a lot of CyberPatience stored up and be prepared to walk a CyberGauntlet of CyberShenanigans. As a shareholder, this experience has been pretty appalling. Do better Tesla.
All for now.
Be well and make the most of this day. Thank you for reading!
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